Being Dad, and Being There

Being Dad, and Being There
by Joseph Walker

It would be something of an overstatement to say that I played on the school basketball team in junior high.

I was on the team. I practiced with the team. I ran out on the floor and did lay-ups before the game started, then I sat on the bench and waved a towel and cheered for the guys who were actually going to play in the game.

As far as I was concerned, it was a pretty good arrangement. I enjoyed the camaraderie with the players, the workouts kept me in shape, and I had a great seat for all of the games. But I didn’t feel any of the pressure that comes with knowing that the outcome of the game may rest on your bony adolescent shoulders.

I don't know how my dad felt about my bench-warming status. In retrospect, I imagine it was hard for him. Two of my older brothers were high school sports stars. Dad was used to going to games to watch his sons play.

Still, Dad was always there. I'd make eye contact with him during pre-game lay-ups - it would've been uncool to smile or wave. And then I forgot about him until after the game, when he'd come up to me and smile and shake my hand and tell me: "Good game!" Even though I never actually did anything to make the game good—until the last game of the season.

We were playing our archrivals. It was a great day for the Mustangs, as we galloped off to a big lead. We were up by about twenty points with two minutes to play when Coach finally felt comfortable enough to look toward my end of the bench.

"Walker!" he barked. "You're in!"

The next two minutes are still kind of surreal to me. I remember running up and down the court a few times. I remember getting a rebound on defense and then running up the floor as the Pep Club started counting down the last seconds of the game. I remember hearing the guys on the bench behind me shouting "Shoot!" as I faced the basket. I remember watching the ball bounce off the backboard and through the hoop as the buzzer went off. I remember hearing everyone scream and yell like I had just won the game, even though it just meant that we had won by twenty-two points instead of twenty.

And I remember wondering what to do. I mean, I knew what to do when we won a game while I was sitting on the bench. But I was completely unprepared for what to do when we won a game and I had hit a last-second shot - meaningless though it may have been. Instinctively, I looked for Dad. And he was there, where he always was, smiling at me as he always did.

For the next thirty-five years, that was always the case. Through good times and bad, Dad was always there to smile, to encourage, to support, and to love. I came to depend on that, even toward the end of his life when smiling was about all that he could do. It helped to know that, no matter what, Dad was there.

And now I'm the one who is in my fifties, struggling to keep pace with a teenage basketball player in my family. I think about Dad on Father's Day, or whenever I'm tempted to not be there for my children. To be honest, I'm not as good at it as Dad was. But I keep trying because I know how much it can mean for Dad to be there you hit that big shot.

Or especially when you don't.

The Ancient Tale of the Blind Girl

There is an ancient tale of a blind girl who hated herself because she was blind.
She hated everyone, except for a boy, who was her best friend.
He was always there for her. She told her friend,
'If I could only see the world, I would marry you.'

One day, someone donated a pair of eyes to her.
When the bandages came off, she was able to see everything, including her friend.
He asked her,'Now that you can see the world,
will you marry me?'

The girl looked at her friend and saw that he was blind.
The sight of his closed eyelids shocked her.
She hadn't expected that. The thought of looking at them the rest of her life led her to refuse to marry him.

Her friend left in tears and days later wrote a note to her saying:
'Take good care of your eyes, my dear, for before
they were yours, they were mine.'
_________________________________________________________

Too often this is how we react when our life condition changes
for the good. Only a very few remember what life was like before,
and who was always by their side in the most painful situations.

Life Is a Gift!
Today before you say an unkind word -
Think of someone who can't speak.
Before you complain about the taste of your food -
Think of someone who has nothing to eat.
Before you complain about your husband or wife -
Think of someone who's crying out to GOD for a companion.
Today before you complain about life -
Think of someone who went too early to heaven.
Before complaining about the distance you drive -
Think of someone who walks the same distance on their feet.
When you are tired and weary of your job -
Think of the unemployed, the disabled, and those who wish they had your job.
And when depressing thoughts seem to get you down - Put a smile on your face and think: you're alive and still able to give and share and love!

"Out of the wreck I rise"

“Out of the wreck I rise”

Who shall separate us from the love of Christ?
(Romans 8:35).

The Lord does not keep a man immune from trouble; He says—“I will be with him in trouble.” It does not matter what actual troubles in the most extreme form get hold of a man’s life, not one of them can separate him from his relationship to God. We are “more than conquerors in all these things.”

Paul is not talking of imaginary things, but of things that are desperately actual; and he says we are super-victors in the midst of them, not by our ingenuity, or by our courage, or by anything other than the fact that not one of them affects our relationship with the Lord. Rightly or wrongly, we are where we are, exactly in the condition we are in. I am sorry for the Christian who has not something in his circumstances he wishes was not there.

What is there in the world that can separate us from the love of Christ?

“Shall tribulation . . .?” Tribulation is never a noble thing; but let tribulation be what it may—exhausting, galling, fatiguing, it is not able to separate us from the love of God. Never let cares or tribulations separate you from the fact that God loves you.

“Shall anguish . . .?”—can God’s love hold when everything says that His love is a lie, and that there is no such thing as justice?

“Shall famine . . .?”—can we not only believe in the love of God but be more than conquerors, even while we are being starved?

Some extraordinary thing happens to a man who holds on to the love of God when the odds are all against God's character. Logic is silenced in the face of every one of these things. Only one thing can account for it - the love that the Lord has for us.

“Out of the wreck I rise” every time.

Chambers, O. (c1935). My utmost for his highest:
Discovery House Publishers.

for Mother's Dad - "Before I was a Mom"

Before I was a Mom,
I never tripped over toys
or forgot words to a lullaby.
I didn't worry whether or not
my plants were poisonous.
I never thought about immunizations.

Before I was a Mom,
I had never been puked on.
Pooped on.
Chewed on.
Peed on..
I had complete control of my mind
and my thoughts.
I slept all night.

Before I was a Mom,
I never held down a screaming child
so doctors could do tests.
Or give shots.
I never looked into teary eyes and cried.
I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.
I never sat up late hours at night
watching a baby sleep.

Before I was a Mom,
I never held a sleeping baby just because
I didn't want to put her down.
I never felt my heart break into a million pieces
when I couldn't stop the hurt..
I never knew that something so small
could affect my life so much.
I never knew that I could love someone so much.
I never knew I would love being a Mom..

Before I was a Mom,
I didn't know the feeling of
having my heart outside my body..
I didn't know how special it could feel
to feed a hungry baby.
I didn't know that bond
between a mother and her child.
I didn't know that something so small
could make me feel so important and happy.

Before I was a Mom,
I had never gotten up in the middle of the night
every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay.
I had never known the warmth,
the joy,
the love,
the heartache,
the wonderment
or the satisfaction of being a Mom.
I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much,
before I was a Mom .

The One Source for Happiness

(From Meridian Magazine, by Wallace Goddard)

It was always nice to sit with my Dad and talk of the gospel, his favorite topic. From time to time his words come back to me.

"Many decisions are difficult because we are trying to justify a choice beneath our highest standards."

The things he taught become truer and truer, more and more meaningful as the years pass. His wisdom was reaffirmed for me recently. A friend called and asked for my advice. He told me of many years in a loveless marriage. At work he has become friends with a wonderful woman with whom he had beautiful gospel conversations. She was also in a loveless marriage. Recently they had shared their feelings for each other: They discovered that they were both very much attracted to each other. "What should we do?" he asked me. The next day she called me and asked the same question.

From the phone conversations it was clear that both of them were ready to do almost anything to open the way for their relationship. Both had begun to think about ways the Lord might open the way for them. It was also clear that both generally had garden-variety discontents in their marriages. Neither was being destroyed. They were tired of their current marriages.

My initial questions to them may have seemed quite unrelated to their dilemma: "Do you love the Lord Jesus Christ? Do you trust Him completely? Do you know that He will always act in your best interest?" Affirmative answers to these questions are very liberating. Submission to God is the path to happiness.

And whoso knocketh, to him will he open; . . . and save they shall cast . . .away [learning, wisdom and riches], and consider themselves fools before God, and come down in the depths of humility, he will not open unto them. 2 Nephi 9:42

We often walk away from sacred promises for alluring prospects. We turn our backs on yesterday's impressions in order to grasp today's whims. We devalue past joys as we lunge at prospective satisfactions. We reduce covenants to mere options.

The veil obscures our pre-mortal enrollments. In that heavenly setting long ago, many of us may have signed up for advanced courses on long-suffering, gentleness, meekness, and love. When we get to mortality, and the challenging assignments almost overwhelm us, some of us quickly drop classes. Stretching experiences surprise and discourage mortals who have forgotten their long-term education and career goals.

Brigham Young taught us boldly:

There is no enjoyment, no happiness, no comfort, there is no light to my path, for me there is no real pleasure or delight only in the observance of truth as it comes from God, obeying it in every sense of the word, and marching forward as a good faithful soldier in the discharge of every duty. (Journal of Discourses, Vol.19, pp.42-43, emphasis added)

Dishonor does not lead to goodness. Wickedness never was happiness. The only path to enduring peace is obedience. Working at our appointed station doing the pick and shovel work of relationship-building may seem unglamorous and unpromising. But those who are faithful in duty will enjoy eternal rewards that are unimagined--even unimaginable--in our mortal way of thinking. Even as we labor along, God will hum hymns of comfort and joy to our souls. Duty and drudgery will be burnished to a bright finish. There is consolation in growth.


I recommended to both the man and the woman who called that they do everything in their power to make their respective marriages work. After they had done all they can, they still should pray for the Lord to provide miracles to open further ways to bless their marriages. Only as we honor our promises with our best efforts and heaven's help can we expect to find happiness.

When we imagine happiness to be in some exotic place outside our mundane commitments, we will be everlastingly disappointed. When we chase happiness, we will be frustrated. When we obey with full purpose of heart, a peace beyond understanding distills upon us. Brigham Young gives the example of Lyman Johnson who left his covenant obligations for something that seemed more promising.

Lyman E. Johnson said, at one of our Quorum meetings, after he had apostatized and tried to put Joseph out of the way. . . . "Brethren--I will call you brethren--I will tell you the truth. If I could believe `Mormonism'--it is no matter whether it is true or not--but if I could believe `Mormonism' as I did when I traveled with you and preached, if I possessed the world I would give it. I would give anything, I would suffer my right hand to be cut off, if I could believe it again. Then I was full of joy and gladness. My dreams were pleasant. When I awoke in the morning my spirit was cheerful. I was happy by day and by night, full of peace and joy and thanksgiving. But now it is darkness, pain, sorrow, misery in the extreme. I have never since seen a happy moment.." (Journal of Discourses, Vol.19, p.42)

What a keen irony! We often do something because it seems more promising in our current mood--even though it may not be in total harmony with the counsel of God and His servants. We imagine that we know better than they or that unusual circumstances justify our desertion. For example, we resolve to pay tithing after the bills are paid. We determine that food storage is folly. We take on debt with disregard for counsel and conscience. We minimize those parts of the Book of Mormon that do not agree with our advanced educations or humanistic philosophy.

O that cunning plan of the evil one! O the vainness, and the frailties, and the foolishness of men! When they are learned they think they are wise, and they hearken not unto the counsel of God, for they set it aside, supposing they know of themselves, wherefore, their wisdom is foolishness and it profiteth them not. And they shall perish. (2 Nephi 9:28)

As I talked to the woman who called about her relationship with her co-worker, I saw a miracle. She originally called with the desperate sense that she could not be happy without him; when I encouraged her to honor her promises and entrust her happiness to God, she did not resist. She embraced God as the only true source of happiness. She trusted Him.

The miracle grew--as it always does when we trust God. She called the next day to report that she had gone home and apologized to her husband for her coolness and unkindness. They had spent a joyous evening together--something she had never imagined possible. Their marriage is not suddenly idyllic, but there is hope.

And I will also ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs, even while you are in bondage; and this will I do that ye may stand as witnesses for me hereafter, and that ye may know of a surety that I, the Lord God, do visit my people in their afflictions. (Mosiah 24:14)

There are, of course, marriages that must end because of abuse or betrayal. Those who need to end a damaging relationship have the right to specific direction from heaven. But Satan would lead millions more than the unavoidable ones out of their sacred promises by prospects of something better, sweeter, or finer. But Satan is a liar. He will "not support his children at the last day, but doth speedily drag them down to hell" (Alma 30:60).

Satan weaves elaborate fantasies to deceive us. He mixes mild discontent in our current relationships together with idealization of a prospective partners. Then he stirs in some hints of divine purpose and inspiration. He is quite able to make preposterous options look wise and inspired. There is always, however, some voice in us that protests: "Please don't do this. Please don't dishonor your promises. Please don't give in to the father of lies."

There is only one Source of enduring happiness. When we act contrary to promises, covenants, counsel, and impressions, we are acting contrary to the nature of happiness.

For ye have sought all the days of your lives for that which ye could not obtain; and ye have sought for happiness in doing iniquity, which thing is contrary to the nature of that righteousness which is in our great and Eternal Head. (Helaman 13:38)

As Dad taught, when we make up our minds to be obedient to the counsel of heaven, we will find peace, joy, consolation. We will be happy. Forever. God knows the path to Happiness. He will lead us there if we obey Him.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

H. Wallace Goddard is a son, a husband, a dad, and a grandpa. He works as a Family Life Specialist for the University of Arkansas Extension Service in Little Rock and has written several books and programs including The Frightful and Joyous Journey of Family Life (Bookcraft) and Principles of Parenting (Alabama Cooperative Extension System). He claims to be living proof that a person who makes lots of mistakes can still be blessed with joy beyond any deserving.


Click here to sign up for Meridian's FREE email updates.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Biographical Sketch of Loyal Dee Hastings-April 2009

This is the presentation that my sister Deena gave at our father's funeral service in Mapleton, Utah, this past Tuesday.

I have been asked to give a biographical sketch of my Dad. As you can imagine, trying to summarize his life in just a few minutes is quite a challenge. So I will try to highlight the significant accomplishments in his life.

Loyal Dee Hastings was born on October 28, 1932 in Norman, Oklahoma to Joel Henry Hastings and Alvaretta Marie Haynes.

He was the youngest of six children with two older sisters and three older brothers.
His early years were spent in Norman, where his family operated a laundry service out of their home and took in occasional boarders.

Dad was raised during the great depression and the lessons of thrift and industry that characterized his life began there.

Dad's uncle Monroe Hastings was introduced to the gospel in Pietown, New Mexico by Mormon Missionaries from across the border in Springerville and Eagar, Arizona. He convinced his brother, Joel, my grandfather to leave the dustbowl of the depression laden Oklahoma. He sold everything they had in Normon and subsequently moved to a small farm in Albuquerque, New Mexico.

Joel and Alvaretta and their younger children listened to the missionaries and were baptized members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

In High School, Dad was the lead in several musical theater productions and was known for his glorious singing voice and larger than life personality.

Upon completion of High School, he went to Provo, Utah to attend BYU. While there he was president of the Tausig social unit and participated in the Air Force ROTC program.

Work and self sufficiency were always important to Dad. He painted houses, mowed lawns, and worked as a soda jerk at B&H pharmacy in downtown Provo to work his way through college.

Dad was anything but shy and late one winter night after losing a bet to his room mates he went to pick up ice cream at the Malt Shop. Dressed in a coat and boots pulled over his pajamas he walked into the shop and met the love of his life, Janice Mendenhall, a petite black haired beauty from Mapleton Utah.

For Dad it was love at first sight. He actively pursued Mom and would call down to her from his bedroom window at Mrs. Baird’s boarding house and walk to school with
her.

After a year long courtship they were married and sealed for time and all eternity in the Manti Utah temple on June 18, 1953.

He graduated from BYU with a degree in political science finishing near the top of his class and was commissioned as a 2nd lieutenant in the USAF.

Their first son, Danny was born while they were at BYU.

Flying was one of Dad’s passions. His distinguished 22 year military career as a fighter pilot was the highpoint of his life. Patriotism and loyalty to his country were a key part of his character.

He was a highly decorated officer and quickly rose though the ranks in his chosen profession.

As their family grew, they began the tradition of naming their children beginning with the letter “D.”

“D” number 2, Diane was born while they were stationed at Bartow Florida for basic pilot training.

As basic training contiued at Williams AFB in Arizona, “D” number 3, Debby joined the family.

“D"s 4 and 5, David and Douglas were born during the time they lived in Clovis New Mexico where the family was stationed at Cannon AFB. There he flew the F100 fighter.

During their time at Cannon, he was selected as an air training officer and had an assignment to go to the newly created Air Force academy at Colorado Springs.
Upon his return to New Mexico, he received a new assignment sending them overseas to RAF Bentwaters in England, where they lived for three years.

Upon returning stateside they settled once again in Utah where Dad taught in the AF ROTC program at BYU and obtained his Masters Degree in Public Administration.
Then came “D” number 6, Deena.

Dad’s next assignment took them to Davis- Monthan AFB in Tucson Arizona, where Dad served as a flight instructor, for pilots training to fly the F4 Phantom jet.

He willingly served a year in Vietnam at Cam Rahn Bay. This was a time of great personal and spiritual growth for Dad. He was called to served as the LDS serviceman's group leader, which provided Sunday services and spiritual support for servicemen in that area. They had several conversions. ONe of the men who attended Dad's funeral service was a man athat Dad baptized 40 years ago in the South China Sea.

After he tour of duty in Vietnam, the family left Tucson, but stayed in Arizona and moved to our current home in Glendale where “ D” number 7, Dawna was born.

The early 1970’s brought change once again as the family was stationed for 3 ½ years in Japan.

This was a time of great professional and church responsibilities for Dad. He was called to serve as the LDS serviceman's District president when the Tokyo Temple was announced.

In 1976 the family returned home to the states and spent 6 months at Hill AFB in Ogden Utah where Dad retired from his military service.

When they returned to Glendale our 8th “D” Deanna or Annie was born and our family was complete.

Post retirement he continued to work hard including being managing partner of a Lube and Oil change business, and as a project manager for the painting contractor at the SRP pumping stations. He also taught business classes at Glendale Community College.

After the children were grown, he retired and in 1999, Dad and Mom realized a lifelong goal to serve a mission with his sweetheart to the Washington D.C Temple.

Dad loved to visit temples and perform temple ordinances. It was his goal to perform ordinances in all the temples in the continental United States and Canada, a goal he and Mom accomplished.

Service to others was a way of life for him. Although he served in many capacities over the years, one of the most important to him was being a Home Teacher. There was no service too small or inconvenient for Dad.

His gospel knowledge was broad and extensive and his love of the gospel and the scriptures, total and complete. But most of all, Dad loved the Lord.

As the family grew, so did his love for our mother. Dad loved and enjoyed his 36 grandchildren and 18 great grandchildren. They were the joy of his life and he spent countless hours in service to them and in fun with them.

Dad passed away unexpectedly April 21, 2009.
Our hearts are broken and we will miss him, but we stand united as his children and loved ones, to the gospel and values he taught us and to his legacy of lov

Poverty

One day, the father of a very wealthy family took his son
on a trip to the country with the express purpose of
showing him how poor people live.

They spent a couple of days and nights on the farm
of what would be considered a very poor family.
On their return from their trip, the father asked his son,
'How was the trip?'

'It was great, Dad.'
'Did you see how poor people live?' the father asked.
'Oh yeah,' said the son.
'So, tell me, what did you learn from the trip?' asked the father.

The son answered:
'I saw that we have one dog and they had four.
We have a pool that reaches to the middle of our garden
and they have a creek that has no end.
We have imported lanterns in our garden
and they have the stars at night.
Our patio reaches to the front yard
and they have the whole horizon..
We have a small piece of land to live on
and they have fields that go beyond our sight.
We have servants who serve us, but they serve others.
We buy our food, but they grow theirs.
We have walls around our property to protect us,
they have friends to protect them.'

The boy's father was speechless.
Then his son added,
'Thanks Dad for showing me how poor we are.'

Isn't perspective a wonderful thing?
Makes you wonder what would happen if we all gave thanks
for everything we have,
instead of worrying about what we don't have.
Appreciate every single thing you have, especially your friends!