Being Dad, and Being There

Being Dad, and Being There
by Joseph Walker

It would be something of an overstatement to say that I played on the school basketball team in junior high.

I was on the team. I practiced with the team. I ran out on the floor and did lay-ups before the game started, then I sat on the bench and waved a towel and cheered for the guys who were actually going to play in the game.

As far as I was concerned, it was a pretty good arrangement. I enjoyed the camaraderie with the players, the workouts kept me in shape, and I had a great seat for all of the games. But I didn’t feel any of the pressure that comes with knowing that the outcome of the game may rest on your bony adolescent shoulders.

I don't know how my dad felt about my bench-warming status. In retrospect, I imagine it was hard for him. Two of my older brothers were high school sports stars. Dad was used to going to games to watch his sons play.

Still, Dad was always there. I'd make eye contact with him during pre-game lay-ups - it would've been uncool to smile or wave. And then I forgot about him until after the game, when he'd come up to me and smile and shake my hand and tell me: "Good game!" Even though I never actually did anything to make the game good—until the last game of the season.

We were playing our archrivals. It was a great day for the Mustangs, as we galloped off to a big lead. We were up by about twenty points with two minutes to play when Coach finally felt comfortable enough to look toward my end of the bench.

"Walker!" he barked. "You're in!"

The next two minutes are still kind of surreal to me. I remember running up and down the court a few times. I remember getting a rebound on defense and then running up the floor as the Pep Club started counting down the last seconds of the game. I remember hearing the guys on the bench behind me shouting "Shoot!" as I faced the basket. I remember watching the ball bounce off the backboard and through the hoop as the buzzer went off. I remember hearing everyone scream and yell like I had just won the game, even though it just meant that we had won by twenty-two points instead of twenty.

And I remember wondering what to do. I mean, I knew what to do when we won a game while I was sitting on the bench. But I was completely unprepared for what to do when we won a game and I had hit a last-second shot - meaningless though it may have been. Instinctively, I looked for Dad. And he was there, where he always was, smiling at me as he always did.

For the next thirty-five years, that was always the case. Through good times and bad, Dad was always there to smile, to encourage, to support, and to love. I came to depend on that, even toward the end of his life when smiling was about all that he could do. It helped to know that, no matter what, Dad was there.

And now I'm the one who is in my fifties, struggling to keep pace with a teenage basketball player in my family. I think about Dad on Father's Day, or whenever I'm tempted to not be there for my children. To be honest, I'm not as good at it as Dad was. But I keep trying because I know how much it can mean for Dad to be there you hit that big shot.

Or especially when you don't.

The Ancient Tale of the Blind Girl

There is an ancient tale of a blind girl who hated herself because she was blind.
She hated everyone, except for a boy, who was her best friend.
He was always there for her. She told her friend,
'If I could only see the world, I would marry you.'

One day, someone donated a pair of eyes to her.
When the bandages came off, she was able to see everything, including her friend.
He asked her,'Now that you can see the world,
will you marry me?'

The girl looked at her friend and saw that he was blind.
The sight of his closed eyelids shocked her.
She hadn't expected that. The thought of looking at them the rest of her life led her to refuse to marry him.

Her friend left in tears and days later wrote a note to her saying:
'Take good care of your eyes, my dear, for before
they were yours, they were mine.'
_________________________________________________________

Too often this is how we react when our life condition changes
for the good. Only a very few remember what life was like before,
and who was always by their side in the most painful situations.

Life Is a Gift!
Today before you say an unkind word -
Think of someone who can't speak.
Before you complain about the taste of your food -
Think of someone who has nothing to eat.
Before you complain about your husband or wife -
Think of someone who's crying out to GOD for a companion.
Today before you complain about life -
Think of someone who went too early to heaven.
Before complaining about the distance you drive -
Think of someone who walks the same distance on their feet.
When you are tired and weary of your job -
Think of the unemployed, the disabled, and those who wish they had your job.
And when depressing thoughts seem to get you down - Put a smile on your face and think: you're alive and still able to give and share and love!

"Out of the wreck I rise"

“Out of the wreck I rise”

Who shall separate us from the love of Christ?
(Romans 8:35).

The Lord does not keep a man immune from trouble; He says—“I will be with him in trouble.” It does not matter what actual troubles in the most extreme form get hold of a man’s life, not one of them can separate him from his relationship to God. We are “more than conquerors in all these things.”

Paul is not talking of imaginary things, but of things that are desperately actual; and he says we are super-victors in the midst of them, not by our ingenuity, or by our courage, or by anything other than the fact that not one of them affects our relationship with the Lord. Rightly or wrongly, we are where we are, exactly in the condition we are in. I am sorry for the Christian who has not something in his circumstances he wishes was not there.

What is there in the world that can separate us from the love of Christ?

“Shall tribulation . . .?” Tribulation is never a noble thing; but let tribulation be what it may—exhausting, galling, fatiguing, it is not able to separate us from the love of God. Never let cares or tribulations separate you from the fact that God loves you.

“Shall anguish . . .?”—can God’s love hold when everything says that His love is a lie, and that there is no such thing as justice?

“Shall famine . . .?”—can we not only believe in the love of God but be more than conquerors, even while we are being starved?

Some extraordinary thing happens to a man who holds on to the love of God when the odds are all against God's character. Logic is silenced in the face of every one of these things. Only one thing can account for it - the love that the Lord has for us.

“Out of the wreck I rise” every time.

Chambers, O. (c1935). My utmost for his highest:
Discovery House Publishers.

for Mother's Dad - "Before I was a Mom"

Before I was a Mom,
I never tripped over toys
or forgot words to a lullaby.
I didn't worry whether or not
my plants were poisonous.
I never thought about immunizations.

Before I was a Mom,
I had never been puked on.
Pooped on.
Chewed on.
Peed on..
I had complete control of my mind
and my thoughts.
I slept all night.

Before I was a Mom,
I never held down a screaming child
so doctors could do tests.
Or give shots.
I never looked into teary eyes and cried.
I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.
I never sat up late hours at night
watching a baby sleep.

Before I was a Mom,
I never held a sleeping baby just because
I didn't want to put her down.
I never felt my heart break into a million pieces
when I couldn't stop the hurt..
I never knew that something so small
could affect my life so much.
I never knew that I could love someone so much.
I never knew I would love being a Mom..

Before I was a Mom,
I didn't know the feeling of
having my heart outside my body..
I didn't know how special it could feel
to feed a hungry baby.
I didn't know that bond
between a mother and her child.
I didn't know that something so small
could make me feel so important and happy.

Before I was a Mom,
I had never gotten up in the middle of the night
every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay.
I had never known the warmth,
the joy,
the love,
the heartache,
the wonderment
or the satisfaction of being a Mom.
I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much,
before I was a Mom .

The One Source for Happiness

(From Meridian Magazine, by Wallace Goddard)

It was always nice to sit with my Dad and talk of the gospel, his favorite topic. From time to time his words come back to me.

"Many decisions are difficult because we are trying to justify a choice beneath our highest standards."

The things he taught become truer and truer, more and more meaningful as the years pass. His wisdom was reaffirmed for me recently. A friend called and asked for my advice. He told me of many years in a loveless marriage. At work he has become friends with a wonderful woman with whom he had beautiful gospel conversations. She was also in a loveless marriage. Recently they had shared their feelings for each other: They discovered that they were both very much attracted to each other. "What should we do?" he asked me. The next day she called me and asked the same question.

From the phone conversations it was clear that both of them were ready to do almost anything to open the way for their relationship. Both had begun to think about ways the Lord might open the way for them. It was also clear that both generally had garden-variety discontents in their marriages. Neither was being destroyed. They were tired of their current marriages.

My initial questions to them may have seemed quite unrelated to their dilemma: "Do you love the Lord Jesus Christ? Do you trust Him completely? Do you know that He will always act in your best interest?" Affirmative answers to these questions are very liberating. Submission to God is the path to happiness.

And whoso knocketh, to him will he open; . . . and save they shall cast . . .away [learning, wisdom and riches], and consider themselves fools before God, and come down in the depths of humility, he will not open unto them. 2 Nephi 9:42

We often walk away from sacred promises for alluring prospects. We turn our backs on yesterday's impressions in order to grasp today's whims. We devalue past joys as we lunge at prospective satisfactions. We reduce covenants to mere options.

The veil obscures our pre-mortal enrollments. In that heavenly setting long ago, many of us may have signed up for advanced courses on long-suffering, gentleness, meekness, and love. When we get to mortality, and the challenging assignments almost overwhelm us, some of us quickly drop classes. Stretching experiences surprise and discourage mortals who have forgotten their long-term education and career goals.

Brigham Young taught us boldly:

There is no enjoyment, no happiness, no comfort, there is no light to my path, for me there is no real pleasure or delight only in the observance of truth as it comes from God, obeying it in every sense of the word, and marching forward as a good faithful soldier in the discharge of every duty. (Journal of Discourses, Vol.19, pp.42-43, emphasis added)

Dishonor does not lead to goodness. Wickedness never was happiness. The only path to enduring peace is obedience. Working at our appointed station doing the pick and shovel work of relationship-building may seem unglamorous and unpromising. But those who are faithful in duty will enjoy eternal rewards that are unimagined--even unimaginable--in our mortal way of thinking. Even as we labor along, God will hum hymns of comfort and joy to our souls. Duty and drudgery will be burnished to a bright finish. There is consolation in growth.


I recommended to both the man and the woman who called that they do everything in their power to make their respective marriages work. After they had done all they can, they still should pray for the Lord to provide miracles to open further ways to bless their marriages. Only as we honor our promises with our best efforts and heaven's help can we expect to find happiness.

When we imagine happiness to be in some exotic place outside our mundane commitments, we will be everlastingly disappointed. When we chase happiness, we will be frustrated. When we obey with full purpose of heart, a peace beyond understanding distills upon us. Brigham Young gives the example of Lyman Johnson who left his covenant obligations for something that seemed more promising.

Lyman E. Johnson said, at one of our Quorum meetings, after he had apostatized and tried to put Joseph out of the way. . . . "Brethren--I will call you brethren--I will tell you the truth. If I could believe `Mormonism'--it is no matter whether it is true or not--but if I could believe `Mormonism' as I did when I traveled with you and preached, if I possessed the world I would give it. I would give anything, I would suffer my right hand to be cut off, if I could believe it again. Then I was full of joy and gladness. My dreams were pleasant. When I awoke in the morning my spirit was cheerful. I was happy by day and by night, full of peace and joy and thanksgiving. But now it is darkness, pain, sorrow, misery in the extreme. I have never since seen a happy moment.." (Journal of Discourses, Vol.19, p.42)

What a keen irony! We often do something because it seems more promising in our current mood--even though it may not be in total harmony with the counsel of God and His servants. We imagine that we know better than they or that unusual circumstances justify our desertion. For example, we resolve to pay tithing after the bills are paid. We determine that food storage is folly. We take on debt with disregard for counsel and conscience. We minimize those parts of the Book of Mormon that do not agree with our advanced educations or humanistic philosophy.

O that cunning plan of the evil one! O the vainness, and the frailties, and the foolishness of men! When they are learned they think they are wise, and they hearken not unto the counsel of God, for they set it aside, supposing they know of themselves, wherefore, their wisdom is foolishness and it profiteth them not. And they shall perish. (2 Nephi 9:28)

As I talked to the woman who called about her relationship with her co-worker, I saw a miracle. She originally called with the desperate sense that she could not be happy without him; when I encouraged her to honor her promises and entrust her happiness to God, she did not resist. She embraced God as the only true source of happiness. She trusted Him.

The miracle grew--as it always does when we trust God. She called the next day to report that she had gone home and apologized to her husband for her coolness and unkindness. They had spent a joyous evening together--something she had never imagined possible. Their marriage is not suddenly idyllic, but there is hope.

And I will also ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs, even while you are in bondage; and this will I do that ye may stand as witnesses for me hereafter, and that ye may know of a surety that I, the Lord God, do visit my people in their afflictions. (Mosiah 24:14)

There are, of course, marriages that must end because of abuse or betrayal. Those who need to end a damaging relationship have the right to specific direction from heaven. But Satan would lead millions more than the unavoidable ones out of their sacred promises by prospects of something better, sweeter, or finer. But Satan is a liar. He will "not support his children at the last day, but doth speedily drag them down to hell" (Alma 30:60).

Satan weaves elaborate fantasies to deceive us. He mixes mild discontent in our current relationships together with idealization of a prospective partners. Then he stirs in some hints of divine purpose and inspiration. He is quite able to make preposterous options look wise and inspired. There is always, however, some voice in us that protests: "Please don't do this. Please don't dishonor your promises. Please don't give in to the father of lies."

There is only one Source of enduring happiness. When we act contrary to promises, covenants, counsel, and impressions, we are acting contrary to the nature of happiness.

For ye have sought all the days of your lives for that which ye could not obtain; and ye have sought for happiness in doing iniquity, which thing is contrary to the nature of that righteousness which is in our great and Eternal Head. (Helaman 13:38)

As Dad taught, when we make up our minds to be obedient to the counsel of heaven, we will find peace, joy, consolation. We will be happy. Forever. God knows the path to Happiness. He will lead us there if we obey Him.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

H. Wallace Goddard is a son, a husband, a dad, and a grandpa. He works as a Family Life Specialist for the University of Arkansas Extension Service in Little Rock and has written several books and programs including The Frightful and Joyous Journey of Family Life (Bookcraft) and Principles of Parenting (Alabama Cooperative Extension System). He claims to be living proof that a person who makes lots of mistakes can still be blessed with joy beyond any deserving.


Click here to sign up for Meridian's FREE email updates.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Biographical Sketch of Loyal Dee Hastings-April 2009

This is the presentation that my sister Deena gave at our father's funeral service in Mapleton, Utah, this past Tuesday.

I have been asked to give a biographical sketch of my Dad. As you can imagine, trying to summarize his life in just a few minutes is quite a challenge. So I will try to highlight the significant accomplishments in his life.

Loyal Dee Hastings was born on October 28, 1932 in Norman, Oklahoma to Joel Henry Hastings and Alvaretta Marie Haynes.

He was the youngest of six children with two older sisters and three older brothers.
His early years were spent in Norman, where his family operated a laundry service out of their home and took in occasional boarders.

Dad was raised during the great depression and the lessons of thrift and industry that characterized his life began there.

Dad's uncle Monroe Hastings was introduced to the gospel in Pietown, New Mexico by Mormon Missionaries from across the border in Springerville and Eagar, Arizona. He convinced his brother, Joel, my grandfather to leave the dustbowl of the depression laden Oklahoma. He sold everything they had in Normon and subsequently moved to a small farm in Albuquerque, New Mexico.

Joel and Alvaretta and their younger children listened to the missionaries and were baptized members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

In High School, Dad was the lead in several musical theater productions and was known for his glorious singing voice and larger than life personality.

Upon completion of High School, he went to Provo, Utah to attend BYU. While there he was president of the Tausig social unit and participated in the Air Force ROTC program.

Work and self sufficiency were always important to Dad. He painted houses, mowed lawns, and worked as a soda jerk at B&H pharmacy in downtown Provo to work his way through college.

Dad was anything but shy and late one winter night after losing a bet to his room mates he went to pick up ice cream at the Malt Shop. Dressed in a coat and boots pulled over his pajamas he walked into the shop and met the love of his life, Janice Mendenhall, a petite black haired beauty from Mapleton Utah.

For Dad it was love at first sight. He actively pursued Mom and would call down to her from his bedroom window at Mrs. Baird’s boarding house and walk to school with
her.

After a year long courtship they were married and sealed for time and all eternity in the Manti Utah temple on June 18, 1953.

He graduated from BYU with a degree in political science finishing near the top of his class and was commissioned as a 2nd lieutenant in the USAF.

Their first son, Danny was born while they were at BYU.

Flying was one of Dad’s passions. His distinguished 22 year military career as a fighter pilot was the highpoint of his life. Patriotism and loyalty to his country were a key part of his character.

He was a highly decorated officer and quickly rose though the ranks in his chosen profession.

As their family grew, they began the tradition of naming their children beginning with the letter “D.”

“D” number 2, Diane was born while they were stationed at Bartow Florida for basic pilot training.

As basic training contiued at Williams AFB in Arizona, “D” number 3, Debby joined the family.

“D"s 4 and 5, David and Douglas were born during the time they lived in Clovis New Mexico where the family was stationed at Cannon AFB. There he flew the F100 fighter.

During their time at Cannon, he was selected as an air training officer and had an assignment to go to the newly created Air Force academy at Colorado Springs.
Upon his return to New Mexico, he received a new assignment sending them overseas to RAF Bentwaters in England, where they lived for three years.

Upon returning stateside they settled once again in Utah where Dad taught in the AF ROTC program at BYU and obtained his Masters Degree in Public Administration.
Then came “D” number 6, Deena.

Dad’s next assignment took them to Davis- Monthan AFB in Tucson Arizona, where Dad served as a flight instructor, for pilots training to fly the F4 Phantom jet.

He willingly served a year in Vietnam at Cam Rahn Bay. This was a time of great personal and spiritual growth for Dad. He was called to served as the LDS serviceman's group leader, which provided Sunday services and spiritual support for servicemen in that area. They had several conversions. ONe of the men who attended Dad's funeral service was a man athat Dad baptized 40 years ago in the South China Sea.

After he tour of duty in Vietnam, the family left Tucson, but stayed in Arizona and moved to our current home in Glendale where “ D” number 7, Dawna was born.

The early 1970’s brought change once again as the family was stationed for 3 ½ years in Japan.

This was a time of great professional and church responsibilities for Dad. He was called to serve as the LDS serviceman's District president when the Tokyo Temple was announced.

In 1976 the family returned home to the states and spent 6 months at Hill AFB in Ogden Utah where Dad retired from his military service.

When they returned to Glendale our 8th “D” Deanna or Annie was born and our family was complete.

Post retirement he continued to work hard including being managing partner of a Lube and Oil change business, and as a project manager for the painting contractor at the SRP pumping stations. He also taught business classes at Glendale Community College.

After the children were grown, he retired and in 1999, Dad and Mom realized a lifelong goal to serve a mission with his sweetheart to the Washington D.C Temple.

Dad loved to visit temples and perform temple ordinances. It was his goal to perform ordinances in all the temples in the continental United States and Canada, a goal he and Mom accomplished.

Service to others was a way of life for him. Although he served in many capacities over the years, one of the most important to him was being a Home Teacher. There was no service too small or inconvenient for Dad.

His gospel knowledge was broad and extensive and his love of the gospel and the scriptures, total and complete. But most of all, Dad loved the Lord.

As the family grew, so did his love for our mother. Dad loved and enjoyed his 36 grandchildren and 18 great grandchildren. They were the joy of his life and he spent countless hours in service to them and in fun with them.

Dad passed away unexpectedly April 21, 2009.
Our hearts are broken and we will miss him, but we stand united as his children and loved ones, to the gospel and values he taught us and to his legacy of lov

Poverty

One day, the father of a very wealthy family took his son
on a trip to the country with the express purpose of
showing him how poor people live.

They spent a couple of days and nights on the farm
of what would be considered a very poor family.
On their return from their trip, the father asked his son,
'How was the trip?'

'It was great, Dad.'
'Did you see how poor people live?' the father asked.
'Oh yeah,' said the son.
'So, tell me, what did you learn from the trip?' asked the father.

The son answered:
'I saw that we have one dog and they had four.
We have a pool that reaches to the middle of our garden
and they have a creek that has no end.
We have imported lanterns in our garden
and they have the stars at night.
Our patio reaches to the front yard
and they have the whole horizon..
We have a small piece of land to live on
and they have fields that go beyond our sight.
We have servants who serve us, but they serve others.
We buy our food, but they grow theirs.
We have walls around our property to protect us,
they have friends to protect them.'

The boy's father was speechless.
Then his son added,
'Thanks Dad for showing me how poor we are.'

Isn't perspective a wonderful thing?
Makes you wonder what would happen if we all gave thanks
for everything we have,
instead of worrying about what we don't have.
Appreciate every single thing you have, especially your friends!

Anchored by Faith

1839 some members of the Quorum of the Twelve left for missions in England under very trying circumstances:" 'Wilford Woodruff and John Taylor were the first to start out. Wilford, in Montrose, had been suffering for days from chills and fever. His infant daughter, Sarah Emma, also seriously ill, was being cared for by friends with more suitable accommodations. On August 8 he finally bade [his wife] Phoebe a tender farewell and walked to the banks of the Mississippi. Brigham Young paddled him across the river in a canoe. When Joseph Smith found him resting by the post office, Wilford told the Prophet that he felt and looked more like a subject for the dissecting room than a missionary. . . .
" 'It took Elders Woodruff and Taylor, traveling together, the rest of the month to make it as far as Germantown, Indiana. . . .
" 'By the time they arrived in Germantown John Taylor was so desperately ill that it was impossible for him to continue. . . .
" '[He] remained ill, sometimes near death, for about three weeks. His optimism was tenacious, however, as suggested in a tender letter to [his wife] Leonora, dated September 19 [1839]:" ' "You may ask me how I am going to prosecute my journey. . . .
I do not know but one thing, I do know, that there is a being who clothes the lilies of the valley & feeds the ravens & he has given me to understand that all these things shall be added & that is all I want to know. He laid me on a bed of sickness & I was satisfied, he has raised me from it again & I am thankful. He stopped me on my road & I am content. . . .
If he took me I felt that it would be well. He has spared me, & it is better" '
(James

The Love Letter

Stephina Roos.
Indeed, as children we were all frankly terrified of her. The fact that she did not live with the family, preferring her tiny cottage out in the South African countryside, and her solitude to the comfortable but rather noisy household where we were brought up-added to the respectful fear in which she was held.
We used to take it in turn to carry small delicacies which my mother had made down from the big house out to the little cottage where Aunt Stephina and an old maid spent their days. Old Tnate Sanna would open the door to the rather frightened little messenger and would usher him - or her - into the dark voor-kamer, where the shutters were always closed to keep out the heat and the flies. There we would wait, in trembling but not altogether unpleasant anticipation.
She was a tiny little woman to inspire so much veneration. She was always dressed in black, and her dark clothes melted into the shadows of the voor-kamer and made her look smaller than ever. But you felt, the moment she entered, that something vital and strong and somehow indestructible had come in with her, although she moved slowly, and her voice was sweet and soft.
She never embraced us. She would greet us and take our hot little hands in her own beautiful cool ones, with blue veins standing out on the back of them, as though the white skin were almost too delicate to contain them.

Tnate Sanna would bring in dishes of sweet, sweet, sticky candy, or a great bowl of grapes or peaches, and Great-aunt Stephina would converse gravely about happenings on the farm, and, more rarely, of the outer world.
When we had finished our sweetmeats or fruit she would accompany us to the stoep, bidding us thank our mother for her gift and sending quaint, old-fashioned messages to her and to Father. Then she would turn and enter the house, closing the door behind her, so that it became once more a place of mystery.

As I grew older I found, rather to my surprise, that I had become genuinely fond of my aloof old great-aunt. But to this day I do not know what strange impulse made me take George to see her and to tell her, before I had confided in another living soul, of our engagement. To my astonishment, she was delighted.
“An Englishman,” she exclaimed.” But that is splendid, splendid. And you,” she turned to George,” you are making your home in this country? You do not intend to return to England just yet?”
She seemed relieved when she heard that George had bought a farm quite near our own farm and intended to settle in South Africa . She became quite animated, and chattered away to him.
After that I would often slip away to the little cottage by the mealie lands. Once she was somewhat disappointed on hearing that we had decided to wait for two years before getting married, but when she learned that my father and mother were both pleased with the match she seemed reassured.

Still, she often appeared anxious about my love affair, and would ask questions that seemed to me strange, almost as though she feared that something would happen to destroy my romance. But I was quite unprepared for her outburst when I mentioned that George thought of paying a lightning visit to England before we were married. “He must not do it,” she cried.” Ina, you must not let him go. Promise me you will prevent him.” She was trembling all over. I did what I could to console her, but she looked so tired and pale that I persuaded her to go to her room and rest, promising to return the next day.
When I arrived I found her sitting on the stoep. She looked lonely and pathetic, and for the first time I wondered why no man had ever taken her and looked after her and loved her. Mother had told me that Great-aunt Stephina had been lovely as a young girl. Few traces of that beauty remained, except perhaps in her brown eyes; yet she looked so small and appealing that any man, one felt, would have wanted to protect her.
She looked up, and then paused, as though she did not quite know how to begin.

Then she seemed to give herself, mentally, a little shake. “You must have wondered “, she said, “Why I was so upset at the thought of young George’s going to England without you. I am an old woman, and perhaps I have the silly fancies of the old, but I should like to tell you my own love story, and then you can decide whether it is wise for your man to leave you before you are married.”
“I was quite a young girl when I first met Richard Weston. He was an Englishman who boarded with the Van Rensburgs on the next farm, four or five miles from us. Richard was not strong. He had a weak chest, and the doctors in England had sent him to South Africa so that the dry air could cure him. He taught the Van Rensburg children, who were younger than I was, though we often played together as well. I saw that he carried out their instruction for pleasure and not because he needed money. Our friendship ripened into more, as time passed, though we did not speak of our love until the evening of my eighteenth birthday. All our friends and relatives had come to my party, and in the evening we danced on the big old carpet which we had laid down in the barn. Richard had come with the Van Rensburgs, and we danced together as often as we dared, which was not very often, for my father hated the Uitlanders. Indeed, for a time he had quarreled with Mynheer Van Rensburg for allowing Richard to board with him, but afterwards he got used to the idea, and was always polite to the Englishman, though he never liked him.
“That was the happiest birthday of my life, for while we were resting between dances Richard took me outside into the cool, moonlit night, and there, under the stars, he told me he loved me and asked me to marry him. Of course I promised I would, for I was too happy to think of what my parents would say, or indeed of anything else.

A fortnight later, Richard was not at our meeting place as he had arranged. I was disappointed but not alarmed, for there were many things could happen to either of us to prevent our keeping our tryst. I thought that next time we visited the Van Rensburgs, I should hear what had kept him and we could plan further meetings…
“So when my father asked if I would drive with him to Driefontein I was delighted. But when we reached the homestead and were sitting on the stoep drinking our coffee, we heard that Richard had left quite suddenly and had gone back to England . His father had died, leaving Richard as the heir and requiring him to go back to look after his estates.

“I do not remember very much more about that day, except that the sun seemed to have stopped shining and the country no longer looked beautiful and full of promise, but bleak and desolate as it sometimes does in winter or in times of drought.

Late that afternoon, Jantje, the little Hottentot herd boy, came up to me and handed me a letter, which he said the English baas had left for me. It was the only love letter I ever received, but it turned all my bitterness and grief into a peacefulness which was the nearest I could get, then, to happiness. I knew Richard still loved me, and somehow, as long as I had his letter, I felt that we could never be really parted, even if he were in England and I had to remain on the farm. I have it yet, and though I am an old, tired woman, it still gives me hope and courage.”

“I must have been a wonderful letter, Aunt Stephina,” I said. The old lady came back from her dreams of that far-off romance. “Perhaps,” she said, hesitating a little, “perhaps, my dear, you would care to read it?” “I should love to, Aunt Stephina,” I said gently.
She rose at once and tripped into the house as eagerly as a young girl. When she came back she handed me a letter, faded and yellow with age, the edges of the envelope worn and frayed as though it had been much handled. But when I came to open it I found that the seal was unbroken. “Open it, open it,” said Great-aunt Stephina, and her voice was shaking. I broke the seal and read to myself.

It was not a love letter in the true sense of the word, but pages of the minutest directions of how “my sweetest Phina” was to elude her father’s vigilance, creep down to the drift at night and there meet Jantje with a horse which would take her to Smitsdorp. There she was to go to “my true friend, Henry Wilson”, who would give her money and make arrangements for her to follow her lover to Cape Town and from there to England , where, my love, we can he be married at once. But if, my dearest, you are not sure that you can face life with me in a land strange to you, then do not take this important step, for I love you too much to wish you the smallest unhappiness. If you do not come, and if I do not hear from you, then I shall know that you could never be happy so far from the people and the country which you love. If, however, you feel you can keep your promise to me, but are too timid and modest to journey to England unaccompanied, and then write to me, and I will, by some means, return to fetch my bride.”

I read no further. “But Aunt Phina!” I gasped. “Why…why…?”
The old lady was watching me with trembling eagerness, her face flushed and her eyes bright with expectation. “Read it aloud, my dear,” she said. “I want to hear every word of it. There was never anyone I could trust…Uitlanders were hated in my young days…I could not ask anyone.”

“But, Auntie, don’t you even know what he wrote?”
The old lady looked down, troubled and shy like a child who has unwittingly done wrong. “No, dear,” she said, speaking very low. “You see, I never learned to read.”

Fix One Another As I Have Fixed You

Fix One Another As I Have Fixed You
by H. Wallace Goddard
"I can't tell her about my trouble. Even if I begged her not to tell, I know she would tell everyone she talked to. And the story she told would be an awful distortion." A saintly friend spoke of a family member she had learned not to trust. "I wish I could trust her. Should I confront her about her gossiping?"
That is the beauty of family life. We are regularly pressed against people whose faults we have come to know only too well. We try to be patient but only so many assaults against fundamental values can be tolerated. We chafe.
Generally there is at least one family member who is matchlessly irritating to us. That person very efficiently does just the things that hurt, offend and annoy us.
It would seem that we have just two options: We can allow ourselves to be misused or we can confront the offender. The first option does not help the offender and leaves us injured and resentful. It just doesn't seem right.
The second option has historically been very popular. In this option we study the offender's offenses and weave them into a pattern. Almost immediately the character implications become clear. We put a label on the diagnosis. We prepare our speech. We lie in wait. At the next provocation, our considered analysis gushes out. Of course it is all done with the intent of helping our loved one grow.
But there is a problem in this popular approach: "Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger" (Franklin P. Jones). Humans are pained and dispirited by criticism. It commonly makes people feel hurt, lonely, confused, and hopeless. And it does not help them grow.
Returning to the woman who has learned to mistrust the family member, she could lovingly confront the gossipy relative hoping for a ready reformation. Yet I am confident that the offender would be deeply hurt and numbingly confused. I think she would respond: "I thought we were friends. I have always loved you and wanted to help you. You are one of my favorite people. Why are you so angry with me?" No amount of fair and reasonable dialogue could clarify the corrective message. It would simply feel like an attack, a counter-betrayal.
For every offense and every offender there is a sterile, brittle interpretation and there is a sympathetic interpretation. The woman who has a problem with telling stories can be seen as a gossip who barters secrets for attention. She can also be seen as a person who has been bashful from childhood and never had anyone in her life who helped her understand others and who talks about bad situations as part of her effort to understand them.
Of course, there is probably some truth to both versions. Thus we get to choose. We can choose to dwell on the light or the dark. We can choose to focus on the annoyance or to focus on good intentions. Whatever we choose to focus on grows. Thereby we increase the light or increase the darkness.
When we study people's offenses with even a glimmer of compassion, we make a startling discovery: The root of the offender's behavior is humanness. We all offend and we all do it because we are human. We all grieve heaven with our narrowness, meanness, and lack of wisdom. We all have sinned and come short of the glory of God. My mortal, human imperfection is something I share with all my offenders. In the poetic expression of Edward Sill, "These clumsy feet, still in the mire, Go crushing blossoms without end" ("Fool's Prayer). I can enlarge the world's supply of pain by responding to humanness with my own provincial humanness. Or I can move us toward the divine by responding with the divine. I can respond with charity.
Charity is a choice--a choice with eternal consequences. "If you don't like someone, the way he holds his spoon will make you furious; if you do like him, he can turn his plate over into your lap and you won't mind" (Irving Becker). We are commanded to pray with all the energy of heart for the blessed gift of charity (Moroni 7:47-48) so that we can swallow offenses without getting indigestion.
The bitter irony in correction is that most attempts at correction make troublesome problems worse. They add fuel to the angry fires. The woman confronted with her "gossiping" will go running to find someone to help her make sense of the painful attack. In the effort to overcome her gossiping, she will extend it. That is why Paul warns of one of the chief dangers of being human: "O man, whosoever thou art that judgest: for wherein thou judgest another, thou condemnest thyself; for thou that judgest doest the same things" (Romans 2:1). When we judge, we become worthy of condemnation. When we fail to forgive offenses, small or large, we are guilty of a greater sin (D&C 64:8-11).
Judgment is such a delicate matter that it is to be handled only by those who know everything and love perfectly. That disqualifies most of us. "Behold what the scripture says--man shall not smite, neither shall he judge; for judgment is mine, saith the Lord, and vengeance is mine also, and I will repay" (Mormon 8:20). "Ye ought to say in your hearts--let God judge between me and thee" (D&C 64:11).
Jesus has begged us to stay out of the judging business since we are so poorly suited for it. His metaphor of motes and beams provides physical hyperbole but spiritual understatement: Humans can never see each other clearly. Nowhere do we see through glass more darkly than in our assessment of those who have annoyed us for years. We do not see that even annoying family members come "trailing clouds of glory, from God, who is our home."
So Jesus directs us away from judging and toward charity, toward seeing as He sees. Wedged between His washing of the disciples feet and His giving His life for them, Jesus delivers the breathtaking new commandment: We are to love as He loves. He does not command us to repent one another or to fix one another. He commands us to love just exactly the way He loves: with perfect redemptiveness. Such a commandment stretches us beyond human capacity. We simply cannot love as we should love unless we are filled with Jesus. Under His influence, we can view each other with compassion. We can make the good parts of our relationships more central, memorable, and common. We can carefully guide each other around our weaknesses. We can pray for each other. But we can only do it when we are filled with Him.
There is no simple answer about how much the woman should tell her talkative relative. That is the province of wisdom. She might provide a simple story of events. Or she may choose to avoid sensitive subjects with her. Irrespective of what she chooses to disclose, it is clear that she should strive to love and support her relative. Since that "offending" person has a knack for organizing, she can invite her to help organize her family history. She can make appointments for fun time together. She can cherish positive memories. God knows that love liberates goodness. If we all loved each other, the paradisiacal state would flood in on us.
Years ago it became clear to me that I do not have the right to correct anyone I do not love. There have been times when I have looked with compassion on a brother or sister and Father has entrusted me with a message for that person. Of course, at such times my "correction" felt more like celebration and encouragement than judgment, reproof or scolding.
Researcher and therapist John Gottman reminds us, we cannot change people until we love them as they are. Of course once we love them as they are, the compulsion to correct is replaced with the desire to bless. "The nearer we get to our heavenly Father, the more we are disposed to look with compassion on perishing souls; we feel that we want to take them upon our shoulders, and cast their sins behind our backs. . . . if you would have God have mercy on you, have mercy on one another" (Teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith, p.241)
So how should we react when we are pained by the thoughtless and selfish acts of another? We should pray that God will heal our wounds and then fill us with Him so that we can "love [our] enemies, bless them that curse [us], do good to them that hate [us], and pray for them which despitefully use [us], and persecute [us]" (Matthew 5:44).
His message is love.

Click here to sign up for Meridian's FREE email updates.

Easter Story

I'll never forget Easter 1946. I was 14, my little sister Ocy 12, and my older sister Darlene 16. We lived at home with our mother, and the four of us knew what it was to do without many things. My dad had died 5 years before, leaving Mom with seven school kids to raise and no money. By 1946 my older sisters were married, and my brothers had left home.
A month before Easter, the pastor of our church announced that a special Easter offering would be taken to help a poor family. He asked everyone to save and give sacrificially. When we got home, we talked about what we could do. We decided to buy 50 pounds of potatoes and live on them for a month. This would allow us to save $20 of our grocery money for the offering. Then we thought that if we kept our electric lights turned out as much as possible and didn't listen to the radio, we'd save money on that month's electric bill. Darlene got as many house and yard cleaning jobs as possible, and both of us baby sat for everyone we could. For 15 cents, we could buy enough cotton loops to make three pot holders to sell for $1. We made $20 on pot holders.
That month was one of the best of our lives. Every day we counted the money to see how much we had saved. At night we'd sit in the dark and talk about how the poor family was going to enjoy having the money the church would give them. We had about 80 people in church, so we figured that whatever amount of money we had to give, the offering would surely be 20 times that much. After all, every Sunday the Pastor had reminded everyone to save for the sacrificial offering.
The day before Easter, Ocy and I walked to the grocery store and got the manager to give us three crisp $20 bills and one $10 bill for all our change. We ran all the way home to show Mom and Darlene. We had never had so much money before.
That night we were so excited we could hardly sleep. We didn't care that we wouldn't have new clothes for Easter; we had $70 for the sacrificial offering. We could hardly wait to get to church!
On Sunday morning, rain was pouring. We didn't own an umbrella, and the church was over a mile from our home, but it didn't seem to matter how wet we got. Darlene had cardboard in her shoes to fill the holes. The cardboard came apart, and her feet got wet. But we sat in church proudly. I heard some teenagers talking about the Smith girls having on their old dresses. I looked at them in their new clothes, and I felt so rich. When the sacrificial offering was taken, we were sitting on the second row from the front. Mom put in the $10 bill, and each of us girls put in a $20. As we walked home after church, we sang all the way. At lunch Mom had a surprise for us. She had bought a dozen eggs, and we had boiled Easter eggs with our fried potatoes!
Late that afternoon the minister drove up in his car. Mom went to the door, talked with him for a moment, and then came back with an envelope in her hand. We asked what it was, but she didn't say a word. She opened the envelope and out fell a bunch of money. There were three crisp $20 bills, one $10 and seventeen $1 bills. Mom put the money back in the envelope. We didn't talk, just sat and stared at the floor. We had gone from feeling like millionaires to feeling so very poor. We kids had such a happy life that we felt sorry for anyone who didn't have our mom and dad for parents and a house full of brothers and sisters and other kids visiting constantly. We thought it was fun to share silverware and see whether we got the fork or the spoon that night. We had two knives which we passed around to whoever needed them. I knew we didn't have a lot of things that other people had, but I'd never thought we were poor. That Easter Day I found out we were. The minister had brought us the money for the poor family, so we must be poor.
I didn't like being poor. I looked at my dress and worn-out shoes and felt so ashamed that I didn't want to go back to church. Everyone there probably already knew we were poor! I thought about school. I was in the ninth grade and at the top of my class of over 100 students. I wondered if the kids at school knew we were poor. I decided I could quit school since I had finished the eighth grade. That was all the law required at that time. We sat in silence for a long time. Then it got dark, and we went to bed.
All that week, we girls went to school and came home, and no one talked much. Finally on Saturday, Mom asked us what we wanted to do with the money. What did poor people do with money? We didn't know. We'd never known we were poor.
We didn't want to go to church on Sunday, but Mom said we had to. Although it was a sunny day, we didn't talk on the way. Mom started to sing, but no one joined in and she only sang one verse. At church we had a missionary speaker. He talked about how churches in Brazil made buildings out of sun dried bricks, but they needed money to buy roofs. He said $100 would put a roof on a church. The minister said, "Can't we all sacrifice to help these poor people?" We looked at each other and smiled for the first time in a week. Mom reached into her purse and pulled out the envelope. She passed it to Darlene. Darlene gave it to me, and I handed it to Ocy. Ocy put it in the offering.
When the offering was counted, the minister announced that it was a little over $100. The missionary was excited. He hadn't expected such a large offering from our small church. he said, "You must have some rich people in this church." Suddenly it struck us! We had given $87 of the "little over $100." We were the rich family in the church! Hadn't the missionary said so?
From that day on I've never been poor again.

The yellow shirt

The yellow shirt had long sleeves, four extra-large pockets trimmed in black thread and snaps up the front. It was faded from years of wear, but still in decent shape. I found it in 1963 when I was home from college on Christmas break, rummaging through bags of clothes Mom intended to give away. 'You're not taking that old thing, are you?' Mom said when she saw me packing the yellow shirt. 'I wore that when I was pregnant with your brother in 1954!' 'It's just the thing to wear over my clothes during art class, Mom. Thanks!' I slipped it into my suitcase before she could object. The yellow shirt became a part of my college wardrobe. I loved it. After graduation, I wore the shirt the day I moved into my new apartment and on Saturday mornings when I cleaned. The next year, I married. When I became pregnant, I wore the yellow shirt during big-belly days. I missed Mom and the rest of my family, since we were in Colorado and they were in Illinois. But that shirt helped. I smiled, remembering that Mother had worn it when she was pregnant, 15 years earlier. That Christmas, mindful of the warm feelings the shirt had given me, I patched one elbow, wrapped it in holiday paper and sent it to Mom. When Mom wrote to thank me for her 'real' gifts, she said the yellow shirt was lovely. She never mentioned it again. The next year, my husband, daughter and I stopped at Mom and Dad's to pick up some furniture. Days later, when we uncrated the kitchen table, I noticed something yellow taped to its bottom. The shirt! And so the pattern was set. On our next visit home, I secretly placed the shirt under Mom and Dad's mattress. I don't know how long it took for her to find it, but almost two years passed before I discovered it under the base of our living-room floor lamp. The yellow shirt was just what I needed now while refinishing furniture. The walnut stains added character. In 1975 my husband and I divorced. With my three children, I prepared to move back to Illinois . As I packed, a deep depression overtook me. I wondered if I could make it on my own. I wondered if I would find a job. I paged through the Bible, looking for comfort. In Ephesians, I read, 'So use every piece of God's armor to resist the enemy whenever he attacks, and when it is all over, you will be standing up.' I tried to picture myself wearing God's armor, but all I saw was the stained yellow shirt. Slowly, it dawned on me. Wasn't my mother's love a piece of God's armor? My courage was renewed. Unpacking in our new home, I knew I had to get the shirt back to Mother. The next time I visited her, I tucked it in her bottom dresser drawer. Meanwhile, I found a good job at a radio station. A year later I discovered the yellow shirt hidden in a rag bag in my cleaning closet. Something new had been added. Embroidered in bright green across the breast pocket were the words 'I BELONG TO PAT.' Not to be outdone, I got out my own embroidery materials and added an apostrophe and seven more letters. Now the shirt proudly proclaimed, 'I BELONG TO PAT'S MOTHER.' But I didn't stop there. I zig-zagged all the frayed seams, then had a friend mail the shirt in a fancy box to Mom from Arlington , VA. We enclosed an official looking letter from 'The Institute for the Destitute,' announcing that she was the recipient of an award for good deeds. I would have given anything to see Mom's face when she opened the box. But, of course, she never mentioned it. Two years later, in 1978, I remarried. The day of our wedding, Harold and I put our car in a friend's garage to avoid practical jokers. After the wedding, while my husband drove us to our honeymoon suite, I reached for a pillow in the car to rest my head. It felt lumpy. I unzipped the case and found, wrapped in wedding paper, the yellow shirt. Inside a pocket was a note: 'Read John 14:27-29. I love you both, Mother.' That night I paged through the Bible in a hotel room and found the verses:
But the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in my name, he shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you.
Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.
Ye have heard how I said unto you, I go away, and come again unto you. If ye loved me, ye would rejoice, because I said, I go unto the Father: for my Father is greater than I.
And now I have told you before it come to pass, that, when it is come to pass, ye might believe.
The shirt was Mother's final gift. She had known for three months that she had terminal Lou Gehrig's disease. Mother died the following year at age 57.
I was tempted to send the yellow shirt with her to her grave. But I'm glad I didn't, because it is a vivid reminder of the love-filled game she and I played for 16 years. Besides, my older daughter is in college now, majoring in art. And every art student needs a baggy yellow shirt with big pockets.

The Coach

On the 21st of the month, the best man I know will do what he always does on the 21st of the month. He'll sit down and pen a love letter to his best girl. He'll say how much he misses her and loves her and can't wait to see her again.
Then he'll fold it once, slide it in a little envelope and walk into his bedroom. He'll go to the stack of love letters sitting there on her pillow, untie the yellow ribbon, place the new one on top and tie the ribbon again. The stack will be 180 letters high then, because the 21st will be 15 years to the day since Nellie, his beloved wife of 53 years, died.
In her memory, he sleeps only on his half of the bed, only on his pillow, only on top of the sheets, never between, with just the old bedspread they shared to keep him warm.
There's never been a finer man in American sports than John Wooden, or a finer coach. He won 10 NCAA basketball championships at UCLA, the last in 1975. Nobody has ever come within six of him.He won 88 straight games between January 30, 1971, and January 17, 1974. Nobody has come within 42 since.
So, sometimes, when the Basketball Madness gets to be too much -- too many players trying to make Sports Center, too few players trying to make assists, too few coaches willing to be mentors, too many freshmen with out-of-wedlock kids, too few freshmen who will stay in school long enough to become men -- I like to go see Coach Wooden.
I visit him in his little condo in Encino, 20 minutes northwest of Los Angeles, and hear him say things like "Gracious sakes alive!" and tell stories about teaching "Lewis" the hook shot. Lewis Alcindor, that is...who became Kareem Abdul-Jabbar.
There has never been another coach like Wooden, quiet as an April snow and square as a game of checkers; loyal to one woman, one school, one way; walking around campus in his sensible shoes and Jimmy Stewart morals.
He'd spend a half hour the first day of practice teaching his men how to put on a sock. "Wrinkles can lead to blisters," he'd warn. These huge players would sneak looks at one another and roll their eyes. Eventually, they'd do it right. "Good," he'd say. "And now for the other foot."
Of the 180 players who played for him, Wooden knows the whereabouts of 172. Of course, it's not hard when most of them call, checking on his health, secretly hoping to hear some of his simple life lessons so that they can write them on the lunch bags of their kids, who will roll their eyes.
"Discipline yourself, and others won't need to," Coach would say.
"Never lie, never cheat, never steal," and "Earn the right to be proud and confident."
If you played for him, you played by his rules: Never score without acknowledging a teammate. One word of profanity, and you're done for the day. Treat your opponent with respect.
He believed in hopelessly out-of-date stuff that never did anything but win championships. No dribbling behind the back or through the legs. "There's no need," he'd say.
No UCLA basketball number was retired under his watch. "What about the fellows who wore that number before? Didn't they contribute to the team?" he'd say.
No long hair, no facial hair. "They take too long to dry, and you could catch cold leaving the gym," he'd say. That one drove his players bonkers.
One day, All-America center Bill Walton showed up with a full beard. "It's my right," he insisted. Wooden asked if he believed that strongly. Walton said he did."That's good, Bill," Coach said. "I admire people who have strong beliefs and stick by them, I really do. We're going to miss you."
Walton shaved it right then and there.
Now Walton calls once a week to tell Coach he loves him.It's always too soon when you have to leave the condo and go back out into the real world, where the rules are so much grayer and the teams so much worse.
As Wooden shows you to the door, you take one last look around. The framed report cards of his great-grandkids, the boxes of jelly beans peeking out from under the favorite wooden chair, the dozens of pictures of Nellie.
He's almost 90 now. You think a little more hunched over than last time. Steps a little smaller. You hope it's not the last time you see him.
He smiles. "I'm not afraid to die," he says. "Death is my only chance to be with her again."

Western Painted Turtle

True story. In 1985 there was a Church welfare farm up at Warm Springs. On a work project cleaning out ditches, I was scooping muck out of a cement culvert with a flat bottom shovel when up came a Western Painted Turtle, about 12-15 inches long, snapping and very unhappy at being disturbed. I wish I had taken a photo. We left him to his domain.

Why It Is Not Good For Man To Be Alone

(This is a great article, quite long. It is very well researched and documented. I suppose I could have just given you the reference over at Meridian, but I wanted anyone who happened upon this blog post to be able to read it here.)

Why It Is Not Good For Man To Be Alone
by Larry Barkdull (Meridian Magazine)

A plague of deception has infected the ranks of single LDS men. Unchecked, it threatens not only their individual salvation but the purpose for which the earth was created. The perpetrator of that plague is Satan, and his sickness is being manifested in at least three ways:

Remaining single without good cause, Hanging out rather than dating, and Dating without the purpose of finding an eternal companion.
Such marriage-aged single men, both young and old, are neglecting the covenant that they made when they received the Melchizedek Priesthood. Unless they repent, they will be held accountable.

The Godly Goodness of Marriage

To understand the seriousness of man's remaining single, we must go back to the beginning. In the Garden of Eden, when the Gods counseled concerning Adam and his condition of singleness, they made a significant statement: “It is not good that the man should be alone.” 1

The word good is more than a convenient modifier. When God completed the creation of the earth, he looked upon his work and pronounced it “good.” 2 Then when he gave Eve to Adam in marriage, he pronounced the totality of his Creation “very good.” 3

The word good has an additional meaning. Once, when a young man saluted Jesus as “Good Master,” Jesus quickly challenged him: “Why callest thou me good? There is none good but one, that is, God.” 4 That Jesus would equate good with God is telling.

Combining these accounts, we see an intriguing definition of the word good emerge. That God is good and that he would pronounce his Creation “very good” with Adam and Eve now together in marriage seem to suggest that he considered the end-result Godlike. Therefore, we might say it is not Godlike for man to be alone.

To solve the not good condition of Adam's singleness, the Gods created “an help meet for him;” 5 that is, “a helper suited to, worthy of, or corresponding to him.” 6 Of significance, Adam was asleep without Eve, but when he awakened and saw her, he also awakened to the possibilities of eternal life. Clearly, man is spiritually asleep until he marries. Moreover, man is helpless without “an helpmeet, and he is incomplete and useless without a companion: “And Adam said, [Eve] is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman.” 7

Clearly, the condition of marriage is “good” or Godlike. Marriage was so critical to Adam's salvation that he declared that forevermore marriage would require the sacrifice of a man's former relationships and the sacrifice of his self-serving desires: “For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh.” 8

God takes this union seriously. “What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.” 9 Because marriage was the crowning event of the Creation, we might venture to say that Adam was created to marry. And so it is with us. All gospel roads lead to an altar in a temple; therefore, man was born to marry. Moreover, we might be safe in saying that we could trace everything in the universe back to a Husband and a Wife, who at a distant time, knelt at an altar and entered into the eternal covenant of marriage.

The Wasting of the Earth and of a Life

One of the first messages of the Restoration regarded marriage. When Moroni appeared to Joseph Smith on the night of September 21, 1823, he revealed the sobering fact that if marriages did not exist and if those marriages were not sealed with a welding link, “the whole earth would be utterly wasted at [the Lord's] coming.” 10 Robert L. Millet explains, “Why would the earth be wasted at his coming? Because the earth would not have accomplished its foreordained purpose of establishing on its face a family system patterned after the order of heaven. If there were no sealing powers whereby families could be bound together, then the earth would never ‘answer the end of its creation' (D&C 49:16). It would be wasted and cursed, for all men and women would be forever without root or branch, without ancestry or posterity.” 11

Single men, who are capable of marrying and do not, may think that they making a decision that affects only them, when in fact they are affecting the entire purpose of the earth's creation. They are wasting the divine destiny of the earth and they are also wasting their divine destiny. They will be held accountable.

Magnifying the Priesthood Calling

The oath and covenant of the priesthood is entitled “the covenant of exaltation.” 12 Interesting, this term, “the covenant of exaltation,” is also used for the covenant of eternal marriage. 13 Thus, priesthood and marriage are inseparably connected; one without the other is useless.

President Kimball succinctly stated the purpose of the priesthood: “Priesthood is the means to exaltation. The priesthood is the power and authority of God delegated to man … enabling him to enter the new and everlasting covenant of marriage and to have his wife and children bound to him in an everlasting tie, enabling him to become a patriarch to his posterity forever, and enabling him to receive a fullness of the blessings of the Lord.” 14

When a man is ordained to the Melchizedek Priesthood, he receives it with an oath and a covenant:

The Father's oath states that if the man magnifies his calling and remains worthy, that man will become like the Father in every way and inherit all that the Father has, which things are the definition of eternal life. Elder McConkie said this is the Lord's promise of exaltation, godhood, eternal marriage, and endless posterity; 15
The man's covenant is that he will be faithful in all things, magnify his calling in the priesthood, receive Christ and his Father, and live by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God. 16Note that the word calling is singular.
President Henry B. Eyring said the purpose of the Melchizedek Priesthood centers on obtaining eternal life. Failure to make the covenant of the priesthood or neglecting to keep the covenant after a man has received it summons severe penalties and tragic consequences. But a man need not fear, if he is trying to do his best; imbedded in the covenant itself is God's promise that he will sustain that man, help him live the covenant, and bless him with success. 17

As we have said, beyond every calling in the priesthood, the one calling that stands supreme is to become like God. A man's calling in the priesthood is the call to eternal life, which can only be achieved by marriage.

A man takes upon himself the oath and covenant of the priesthood and magnifies his calling in three stages:

Ordination to the priesthood
Temple endowment
Temple marriage
If a man neglects any of these steps, he has not magnified his priesthood, and he has broken his priesthood covenant. Therefore, the Father's oath with its attendant blessings is no longer functional in that man's life.

The Obligation of the Revealed Covenant of Marriage

As a prelude to the revelation on eternal marriage, the Lord first stipulated the seriousness of a man's receiving this revelation: “Therefore, prepare thy heart to receive and obey the instructions which I am about to give unto you; for all those who have this law revealed unto them must obey the same.” 18 Being acquainted with the law of marriage is not enough; once a man learns of this law, he must obey it or face serious consequences. Because this law is published openly in the Doctrine and Covenants, no man is left with an excuse.

Two choices are available to the man who is capable of marrying and knows of this new and everlasting covenant of marriage 19 ? either exaltation or damnation: “For behold, I reveal unto you a new and an everlasting covenant; and if ye abide not that covenant, then are ye damned; for no one can reject this covenant and be permitted to enter into my glory.” 20

The Lord will not be mocked. If a man desires exaltation, he must obey the law that yields exaltation: “For all who will have a blessing at my hands shall abide the law which was appointed for that blessing, and the conditions thereof, as were instituted from before the foundation of the world. And as pertaining to the new and everlasting covenant, it was instituted for the fulness of my glory; and he that receiveth a fulness thereof must and shall abide the law, or he shall be damned, saith the Lord God.” 21

Is there any part of this that any single man could not understand?

Consequences for Obedience or Disobedience to the Law of Marriage

So that we do not misunderstand, a man accepts the Melchizedek Priesthood with a covenant to magnify his calling. That calling is the call to eternal life — to become all that the Father is, to do what the Father does, and to inherit all that the Father has. None of this is possible without marrying in the temple. To that end, the Father revealed the new and everlasting covenant of marriage.

If a man knows of that revelation — and it would be impossible for him not to know of it — then he has an obligation to live it or be damned. But if he enters into the law of marriage, which is the covenant of exaltation, and if he remains faithful, he is assured that he has fulfilled the terms of his priesthood covenant and that he will receive every promise contained in the Father's oath. These blessings include celestial resurrection, celestial inheritance, godhood, eternal parenthood, and supernal power and glory.

“Ye shall come forth in the first resurrection … and shall inherit thrones, kingdoms, principalities, and powers, dominions, all heights and depths … and if ye abide in my covenant … it shall be done unto them in all things whatsoever my servant hath put upon them, in time, and through all eternity; and shall be of full force when they are out of the world; and they shall pass by the angels, and the gods, which are set there, to their exaltation and glory in all things, as hath been sealed upon their heads, which glory shall be a fulness and a continuation of the seeds forever and ever.

"Then shall they be gods, because they have no end; therefore shall they be from everlasting to everlasting, because they continue; then shall they be above all, because all things are subject unto them. Then shall they be gods, because they have all power, and the angels are subject unto them.” 22

Can a capable man attain to these blessings by remaining single? No! The Lord says, “Verily, verily, I say unto you, except ye abide my law ye cannot attain to this glory. For strait is the gate, and narrow the way that leadeth unto the exaltation and continuation of the lives, and few there be that find it.” Why would only a few find this glory? Every unmarried Melchizedek Priesthood holder needs to listen to the Lord's answer: “Because ye receive me not in the world neither do ye know me.”

This is a terrible indictment. When a man is ordained to the Melchizedek Priesthood, he makes a covenant to “receive” Jesus Christ and his Father.” 23 The only way he can do that is by marrying in the temple. But sadly, some neglect or postpone their priesthood covenant, and consequently they neither receive the Lord nor know him.

On the other hand, some men push past their fears, prejudices and selfish tendencies and marry according to their priesthood covenant. Of them, the Lord says, “But if ye receive me in the world, then shall ye know me, and shall receive your exaltation; that where I am ye shall be also. This is eternal lives ? to know the only wise and true God, and Jesus Christ, whom he hath sent. I am he. Receive ye, therefore, my law.” 24 Could the Lord conclude with a more powerful statement than a command to live the law of marriage?

Satanic Deceptions

The attack on marriage and family takes many forms. An effective demonic device to assault marriage and family among latter-day saints is to bombard single Melchizedek Priesthood holders with reasons to postpone or neglect marriage. Several satanic strategies are selfishness, fear, lack of finances, and lack of commitment.

Selfishness

Selfishness is prevalent. We can detect selfishness with the word “I.” “I haven't had enough fun yet.” “I need to finish my education first.” “I haven't found a girl that meets my criteria.” This man needs to repent.

A woman encountering such a man should flee. He is not a man, but a boy. He is not honoring his priesthood. The priesthood is specifically given to serve people and bring them to Christ. His trustworthiness is in question. Every single man should know that the parents of a prospective bride will ask their daughter two questions about the man she intends to marry, and one of those questions is not “Do you love him?” Love is easy; trust is hard. They will ask, “Do you trust him, and does he put you first?”

Selfishness is at its ugliest when a man sees a woman as a sexual object and not as a daughter of God. This attitude motivates him to date with no purpose other than fulfilling sexual desires that range from kissing to petting to fornication — with absolutely no commitment. He either remains with one girl for a period of time or he moves from girl to girl for the primary purpose of gratifying his desires.

This man is described in D&C 121 as one of the many who have been called to eternal life by reason of their ordination to the priesthood, but who are not chosen because they have their hearts so set upon the things of the world. The result is loss of the priesthood: “Amen to the priesthood or authority of that man.” 25

Selfishness also rears its ugly head when a man is overly picky. Of course, people ought to be compatible, but the only spiritual criterion for eternal marriage is obedience to the Covenant. If a woman can truthfully answer the questions contained in the temple recommend interview, she is worthy of a man's love. When Abraham sent his servant to find a wife for Isaac, his only desire for his son was to find a woman who lived the Covenant. If that was good enough for Abraham and Isaac, it should be good enough for their sons.

Fear

Fear comes from Satan. He urges us to gaze into the future then tells us that the future is bleak. He makes us doomsday prophets, but without the prophetic gift. For example, a man might imagine that something will change in his wife and the marriage will end in divorce. Who said so? Satan? Is he telling the truth? Why would a man listen to such garbage? He might as well be seeking an endorsement of his intended wife and marriage from a drunk on the street.

Any fear of the future is lack of faith, and completely unworthy of a Melchizedek Priesthood holder. The Father's oath in the priesthood covenant states that “you shall live by every word that proceedeth forth from the mouth of God.” That is, the Lord is guaranteeing ongoing help through revelation. A worthy husband is entitled to revelation to guide his family. Moreover, the Father promises angelic attention to such a husband: “I have given the heavenly hosts and mine angels charge concerning you.” 26 What have we to fear with such promises? We must keep in mind that we are not entering into a marriage of the world; we are entering into a priesthood order that is governed and blessed by priesthood principles. Blessings attend eternal marriages.

Fear might arise when a man wonders if he is capable of making the right choice in a companion. The answer is probably not. He needs the Lord's help. That is one reason why the Lord gave the man the Melchizedek Priesthood, which carries the right to revelation and angelic ministration. The priesthood gives the man the authority to call upon God so that the man receives power to magnify his priesthood calling. If he will approach dating in the way of the priesthood, the Father will introduce him to one of his choice daughters, whom that man can then lead to the temple. But fear will never get him to that point; only faith can get him there.

Money

The world puts a price on everything. In the world, marriage is as much a financial consideration as it is a consideration of love. This deception has crept into the ranks of single LDS men. If a man really believes in the priesthood covenant, then he also believes in the God, who has agreed to stand beside him and uphold him. The question is this: Whom will you serve: God or mammon? If a man thinks in terms of money with regard to eternal marriage, he is serving mammon. Does that exempt him from his obligation to support his wife and family? Of course not. But not to marry because of finances is a vote of no confidence in God and a violation of the priesthood covenant. Eternal marriage has nothing to do with money and everything to do with faith and obedience.

Commitment

The oath and covenant of the priesthood contains a strict warning from the Lord: “And I now give unto you a commandment to beware concerning yourselves, to give diligent heed to the words of eternal life.” 27

An uncommitted man is beset by fears, selfishness or both. In either case, light cannot exist in him.

The priesthood calls for sacrifice, courage and diligence. The power of commitment approaches the power of God, and if this attribute is not evident in a man, the woman who is dating him should move on. He is simply not worth the effort. His ability to truly love a woman, support her throughout her life, and lead their family to the celestial kingdom is in serious question. Again, he is not a man, but a boy.

Synergy

Whereas a woman should flee a selfish or uncommitted man, she is in a strong position to help a man who is dealing with fears, which might include fears regarding finances. Early on, a couple learns that they are much stronger together than they are apart; the husband relies on his wife and the wife relies on her husband.

President Gordon B. Hinckley taught this principle with a promise: “When you are united, your power is limitless. You can accomplish anything you wish to accomplish.” 28

Jesus taught his disciples in Jerusalem concerning the power of unity, and then he taught that principle anew in this dispensation. “Verily, verily, I say unto you, as I said unto my disciples, where two or three are gathered together in my name, as touching one thing, behold, there will I be in the midst of them ? even so am I in the midst of you.” 29 Certainly, a husband and a wife would qualify. By definition of their marriage covenant, they are (or should be) gathered in my name.

This oneness has a synergistic effect. Synergy refers to the phenomenon in which two or more agents acting together create an effect greater than the sum of the individual agents. For example, if one thread can hold five pounds before it breaks, two threads woven together might be predicted to hold twice as much ? ten pounds. In fact, the effect of synergy causes the two threads to hold four or more pounds! Man alone is weak, but he becomes incredibly strong in marriage. It is simply not good for man to remain single.

Conclusion

If the adversary were to concoct a strategy to destroy Melchizedek Priesthood holders, he could not create a plan more effective than to convince them to postpone marriage or to neglect it altogether. He not only robs men of their potential of exaltation, but he strips them of their priesthood. Truly, even the very elect 30 are being deceived in the last days by his tactics.

Nothing good can come from remaining single, because being good is ultimately being Godlike. God is married; God is a father; God is unselfish, filled with faith, completely dedicated and committed. A man is not good, by this definition, because he is not Godlike. Moreover, a man wastes his life and wastes the earth by postponing marriage and remaining single for no good cause. If that cause tends to selfishness or lack of commitment, his priesthood is forfeited along with the Father's promises.

Upon a man's ordination to the Melchizedek Priesthood, he agreed, among other things, to magnify his calling. That singular calling is the call to eternal life, to become like God so that a man might receive all that the Father has. The only way for a man to ultimately magnify his calling in the priesthood is to marry in the temple. For that reason man was born and obtained a physical body; for that reason he entered into the New and Everlasting Covenant by baptism; for that reason he received the priesthood with an oath and a covenant; for that reason he entered the temple and was washed, anointed and endowed with God's power and knowledge; and for that reason he lives his life as God's servant and son.

Eternal marriage is the summit of existence, the reason for being, the purpose for which we have waited and prepared for untold eternities, and the source of consummate joy. May the single men of the Church detect Satan's deceptions and rid themselves of this latter-day plague. May they magnify their calling and grasp the prize of eternal life. May they heed the counsel of Lehi: “Arise from the dust, my sons, and be men.” 31


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Notes
1 Genesis 2:18

2 Genesis 1:25

3 Genesis 1:31

4 Mark 10:17-18

5 Genesis 2:18

6 Genesis 2:18, footnote b

7 Genesis 2:23

8 Matthew 19:5

9 Matthew 19:6

10 D&C 2:3

11 Robert L. Millet, When a Child Wanders, p.100 - 101

12 Bruce R. McConkie, A New Witness for the Articles of Faith, p.312

13 See Bruce R. McConkie, “Abrahamic Covenant,” Mormon Doctrine, p.13; Joseph Fielding Smith, Doctrines of Salvation, vol. 2:58

14 Spencer W. Kimball, The Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball, p.494

15 See Bruce R. McConkie, “The Doctrine of the Priesthood,” Ensign, May 1982; See D&C 131:1–4

16 See D&C 84:33-44

17 See Henry B. Eyring, “Faith and the Oath and Covenant of the Priesthood,” Ensign, May 2008

18 D&C 132:3

19 See D&C 131:2

20 D&C 132:4

21 D&C 132:5-6

22 D&C 132:19-20

23 See D&C 84:35-37

24 D&C 132:23-24

25 See D&C 121:34-37

26 D&C 84:42,44

27 D&C 84:43

28 Gordon B. Hinckley, “Your Greatest Challenge, Mother,” Ensign, November 2000

29 D&C 6:32; (see Matthew 18:20)

30 See Matthew 24:24

31 2 Nephi 1:21

Return to Top of Article

Click here to sign up for Meridian's FREE email updates.

"Stirring the Oatmeal" Love

Stirring oatmeal is a humble act--not exciting or thrilling.
But it symbolizes a relatedness that brings love down to earth.
It represents a willingness to share ordinary human life,
to find meaning in the simple, unromantic tasks:
earning a living, living within a budget, putting out the garbage, feeding the baby in the middle of the night.
To "stir the oatmeal" means to find the relatedness, the value, even the beauty, in simple and ordinary things,
not to eternally demand a cosmic drama, an entertainment,
or an extraordinary intensity in everything.
Dr. Robert A. Johnson

My Daughter's Mission Call

My daughter, Julina has just received her call to serve as a missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.
We are so pleased for her decision to go and serve the Lord.

She has been called to serve in the Texas Houston Mission, teaching in the Spanish language. She enters the Missionary Training Center in Provo, Utah on May 13th.

Those of you who know and love her will want to contact her and wish her well.
(That's easy enough to do since she set up this Blog.)

The Refiner's Fire

Malachi 3:3 says:
'He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver.'

This verse puzzled some women in a Bible study group and they wondered what this statement meant about the character and nature of God.

One of the women offered to find out the process of refining silver and get back to the group at their next study session.

That week, the woman called a silversmith and made an appointment to watch him at work. She didn't mention anything about the reason for her interest beyond her curiosity about the process of refining Silver.

As she watched the silversmith, he held a piece of silver over the fire and let it heat up.
He explained that in refining silver, one needs to hold the silver in the middle of the fire where the flames were hottest as to burn away all the impurities.

The woman thought about God holding us in such a hot spot; then she thought again about the verse that says:
'He sits as a refiner and purifier of silver.'

She asked the silversmith if it was true that he had to sit there in front of the fire the whole time the silver was being refined.

The man answered that yes, he not only had to sit there holding the silver, but he had to keep his eyes on the silver the entire time it was in the fire. If the silver was left a moment too long in the flames, it would be destroyed.

The woman was silent for a moment. Then she asked the silversmith, 'How do you know when the silver is fully refined?'

He smiled at her and answered, 'Oh, that's easy -- when I see my image in it.'

If today you are feeling the heat of the fire , remember that God has his eye on you and will keep watching you until He sees His image in you.

Do We Really Know What We Have?

Do We Really Know What We Have?
As written by Scott Anderson in his journal.

We had an unexpected moment in the mission field. We
knocked on a door and a lady said something to us we had
never heard, "Come in." Now remember, I was a German
missionary. This had almost never happened to us; not being
invited in.

My companion said, "Do you know who we are?" "You want
to talk about religion, don't you?" she said. "Yes, we do"
explained my companion.

"Oh, come in. I've been watching you walk around the
neighborhood. I'm so excited to have you here. Please come
into my study."

We went in and seated ourselves and she sat down behind the
desk.

She looked at us with a smile, then pointed to three PhD's
hanging over her head. One in Theology, the study of
religion, one in Philosophy, the study of ideas, and one in
European History specializing in Christianity.

She then kind of rubbed her hands together and said, "Do
you see this row of books here?" We looked at a well
arranged row of books. She then said, "I wrote them all. I'm
the Theology professor at the University of Munich. I've
been doing this for 41 years. I love to talk about religion.
What would you like to discuss?"

My inspired companion said we'd like to talk about the Book
of Mormon. She said, "I don't know anything about the Book
of Mormon." He said, "I know."

Twenty minutes later we walked out of the room. We had
handed her a Book of Mormon and this trade off that we had
been on was over.

I didn't see this lady again for another eight and a half
weeks. It was in a small room filled with people (when I saw
her again), as she was standing in the front dressed in
white.
______________________________________________

This Theology professor at the University of Munich was
well known throughout Southern Germany. She stood up in
front of this small congregation of people and said, "Before
I'm baptized I'd like to tell you my feelings. In Amos
chapter 8:11 it says there will be a famine of the work of
God. I've been in that famine for 76 years. Why do you think
I have three PhD's? I've been hungering for truth and have
been unable to find it.

Then eight and one-half weeks ago, two boys walked into my
home. I want you to know these boys are very nice and
wonderful young men, but they didn't convert me. They
couldn't; they don't know enough." And then she smiled and
said, "but since the day they walked in my door I have read
the Book of Mormon, the Doctrine and Covenants, the Pearl
of Great Price, all of Talmage's great writings, Evidence and
Reconciliations by John A. Widtsoe and 22 other volumes of
church doctrine."

She then said something which I think is a challenge for
every one of us here. She said, "I don't think you members
know what you have." Then in her quiet, powerful way, she
said, "After those years of
studying philosophy, I picked up the D&C and read a few
little verses that answered some of the greatest questions
of Aristotle and Socrates! When I read those verses, I wept
for four hours." Then she said again, "I don't think you
members know what you have.

Don't you understand the world is in a famine?
Don't you know we are starving for what you have?
I am like a starving person being led to a feast.
And over these eight and one-half weeks I have been able to
feast in a way I have never known possible."

Her powerful message and her challenging question was then
ended with her favorite scripture, "For you don't see the
truth can make you free." She said, "these missionaries
don't just carry membership in the church in their hands,
they carry within their hand the power to make the atonement
of Jesus Christ full force in my life. Today I'm going into
the water and I'm going to make a covenant with Christ for
the first time with proper authority. I've wanted to do this
all my life."

None of us will forget the day that she was baptized. When
she got finished being baptized, she got back out and before
she received the Holy Ghost, she stood and said, "Now I
would like to talk about the Holy Ghost for awhile." She
then gave us a wonderful talk about the gift of the Holy
Ghost.
________________________________________________

(later in Elder Anderson's journal)

Two young missionaries, both relatively new, (one had been
out about five months, the other three weeks) accidentally
knocked on the door of the seminary in Reagansburg.
125 wonderful men were studying to become priests inside.
They didn't realize this was the door they had knocked on
because it looked like any other door.

They were invited in. In somewhat of a panic, the man said,
"I am sorry we just don't have time right now." The two
missionaries were relieved, but then he said, "Would you
come back next Tuesday and spend two hours addressing all
125 of us and answer questions about your church?" They
agreed that they would, and ran down the road screaming.

They made a phone call to the mission president and cried
for help. The mission president called us and said, "Do you
think that dear lady that you have just brought in to the
church would like to come help these two missionaries with
this assignment?" I called her to explain what was to
happen, and she said, "more than I would like to eat, more
than I would like to sleep, more than..." I said, "Fine, you
don't have to explain."

We drove her to the seminary and as we went in, she grabbed
the two missionaries that had originally been invited, put
her arms around them and said, "you are wonderful, young
men. Would each of you spend about two minutes bearing your
testimony and then sit down and be quiet please?"

They were grateful for their assignment. They bore their
testimony and then seated themselves. Then she got up and
said, "For the next 30 minutes I would like to talk to you
about historical apostasy." She knew every date and fact.
She had a PhD in this. She talked about everything that had
been taken away from the great teachings the Savior had
given, mostly organizational, in the first part of her talk.

Then the next 45 minutes was doctrinal.

She gave every point of doctrinal changes, when it happened
and what had changed. By the time she was done, she looked
at them and said, "In 1820 a boy walked into a grove of
trees. He had been in a famine just like I have been. He
knelt to pray, because he was hungry just like I have been.
He saw God the Father and His Son. I know that is hard for
you to believe that they could be two separate beings, but I
know they are."

She shared scriptures that showed that they were and then
said, "I would like to talk about historical restoration of
truth." She then, point by point, date by date, from the
Doctrine and Covenants put back the organizational
structure of Christ's church.

The last 20 minutes of her talk were absolutely brilliant.
She doctrinally put the truth back in place, point by point,
principle by principle. When she finished this profound talk,
she said, "I have been in a famine as talked about in Amos.
You know that because last year I was here teaching you."

For the first time, we realized that she was their Theology
professor. She continued by saying, "Last year when I was
teaching you, I told you that I was still in a famine. I
have been led to a feast. I invite you to come." She
finished with her testimony and sat down. What happened next
was hard for me to understand. These 125 sincere, wonderful
men stood and for the next 7 minutes, gave a standing ovation.

By the time four minutes had gone by I was crying. I
remember standing and looking into their eyes and seeing the
tears in their eyes too. I wondered why they were applauding
after the message she had given.

I asked many of them later. They said, "to hear someone so
unashamed of the truth, to hear someone teaching with such
power, to hear someone who finally has conviction.

"The truth is what can set us free...
Do we really know what we have?