Fix One Another As I Have Fixed You
by H. Wallace Goddard
"I can't tell her about my trouble. Even if I begged her not to tell, I know she would tell everyone she talked to. And the story she told would be an awful distortion." A saintly friend spoke of a family member she had learned not to trust. "I wish I could trust her. Should I confront her about her gossiping?"
That is the beauty of family life. We are regularly pressed against people whose faults we have come to know only too well. We try to be patient but only so many assaults against fundamental values can be tolerated. We chafe.
Generally there is at least one family member who is matchlessly irritating to us. That person very efficiently does just the things that hurt, offend and annoy us.
It would seem that we have just two options: We can allow ourselves to be misused or we can confront the offender. The first option does not help the offender and leaves us injured and resentful. It just doesn't seem right.
The second option has historically been very popular. In this option we study the offender's offenses and weave them into a pattern. Almost immediately the character implications become clear. We put a label on the diagnosis. We prepare our speech. We lie in wait. At the next provocation, our considered analysis gushes out. Of course it is all done with the intent of helping our loved one grow.
But there is a problem in this popular approach: "Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger" (Franklin P. Jones). Humans are pained and dispirited by criticism. It commonly makes people feel hurt, lonely, confused, and hopeless. And it does not help them grow.
Returning to the woman who has learned to mistrust the family member, she could lovingly confront the gossipy relative hoping for a ready reformation. Yet I am confident that the offender would be deeply hurt and numbingly confused. I think she would respond: "I thought we were friends. I have always loved you and wanted to help you. You are one of my favorite people. Why are you so angry with me?" No amount of fair and reasonable dialogue could clarify the corrective message. It would simply feel like an attack, a counter-betrayal.
For every offense and every offender there is a sterile, brittle interpretation and there is a sympathetic interpretation. The woman who has a problem with telling stories can be seen as a gossip who barters secrets for attention. She can also be seen as a person who has been bashful from childhood and never had anyone in her life who helped her understand others and who talks about bad situations as part of her effort to understand them.
Of course, there is probably some truth to both versions. Thus we get to choose. We can choose to dwell on the light or the dark. We can choose to focus on the annoyance or to focus on good intentions. Whatever we choose to focus on grows. Thereby we increase the light or increase the darkness.
When we study people's offenses with even a glimmer of compassion, we make a startling discovery: The root of the offender's behavior is humanness. We all offend and we all do it because we are human. We all grieve heaven with our narrowness, meanness, and lack of wisdom. We all have sinned and come short of the glory of God. My mortal, human imperfection is something I share with all my offenders. In the poetic expression of Edward Sill, "These clumsy feet, still in the mire, Go crushing blossoms without end" ("Fool's Prayer). I can enlarge the world's supply of pain by responding to humanness with my own provincial humanness. Or I can move us toward the divine by responding with the divine. I can respond with charity.
Charity is a choice--a choice with eternal consequences. "If you don't like someone, the way he holds his spoon will make you furious; if you do like him, he can turn his plate over into your lap and you won't mind" (Irving Becker). We are commanded to pray with all the energy of heart for the blessed gift of charity (Moroni 7:47-48) so that we can swallow offenses without getting indigestion.
The bitter irony in correction is that most attempts at correction make troublesome problems worse. They add fuel to the angry fires. The woman confronted with her "gossiping" will go running to find someone to help her make sense of the painful attack. In the effort to overcome her gossiping, she will extend it. That is why Paul warns of one of the chief dangers of being human: "O man, whosoever thou art that judgest: for wherein thou judgest another, thou condemnest thyself; for thou that judgest doest the same things" (Romans 2:1). When we judge, we become worthy of condemnation. When we fail to forgive offenses, small or large, we are guilty of a greater sin (D&C 64:8-11).
Judgment is such a delicate matter that it is to be handled only by those who know everything and love perfectly. That disqualifies most of us. "Behold what the scripture says--man shall not smite, neither shall he judge; for judgment is mine, saith the Lord, and vengeance is mine also, and I will repay" (Mormon 8:20). "Ye ought to say in your hearts--let God judge between me and thee" (D&C 64:11).
Jesus has begged us to stay out of the judging business since we are so poorly suited for it. His metaphor of motes and beams provides physical hyperbole but spiritual understatement: Humans can never see each other clearly. Nowhere do we see through glass more darkly than in our assessment of those who have annoyed us for years. We do not see that even annoying family members come "trailing clouds of glory, from God, who is our home."
So Jesus directs us away from judging and toward charity, toward seeing as He sees. Wedged between His washing of the disciples feet and His giving His life for them, Jesus delivers the breathtaking new commandment: We are to love as He loves. He does not command us to repent one another or to fix one another. He commands us to love just exactly the way He loves: with perfect redemptiveness. Such a commandment stretches us beyond human capacity. We simply cannot love as we should love unless we are filled with Jesus. Under His influence, we can view each other with compassion. We can make the good parts of our relationships more central, memorable, and common. We can carefully guide each other around our weaknesses. We can pray for each other. But we can only do it when we are filled with Him.
There is no simple answer about how much the woman should tell her talkative relative. That is the province of wisdom. She might provide a simple story of events. Or she may choose to avoid sensitive subjects with her. Irrespective of what she chooses to disclose, it is clear that she should strive to love and support her relative. Since that "offending" person has a knack for organizing, she can invite her to help organize her family history. She can make appointments for fun time together. She can cherish positive memories. God knows that love liberates goodness. If we all loved each other, the paradisiacal state would flood in on us.
Years ago it became clear to me that I do not have the right to correct anyone I do not love. There have been times when I have looked with compassion on a brother or sister and Father has entrusted me with a message for that person. Of course, at such times my "correction" felt more like celebration and encouragement than judgment, reproof or scolding.
Researcher and therapist John Gottman reminds us, we cannot change people until we love them as they are. Of course once we love them as they are, the compulsion to correct is replaced with the desire to bless. "The nearer we get to our heavenly Father, the more we are disposed to look with compassion on perishing souls; we feel that we want to take them upon our shoulders, and cast their sins behind our backs. . . . if you would have God have mercy on you, have mercy on one another" (Teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith, p.241)
So how should we react when we are pained by the thoughtless and selfish acts of another? We should pray that God will heal our wounds and then fill us with Him so that we can "love [our] enemies, bless them that curse [us], do good to them that hate [us], and pray for them which despitefully use [us], and persecute [us]" (Matthew 5:44).
His message is love.
Click here to sign up for Meridian's FREE email updates.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Easter Story
I'll never forget Easter 1946. I was 14, my little sister Ocy 12, and my older sister Darlene 16. We lived at home with our mother, and the four of us knew what it was to do without many things. My dad had died 5 years before, leaving Mom with seven school kids to raise and no money. By 1946 my older sisters were married, and my brothers had left home.
A month before Easter, the pastor of our church announced that a special Easter offering would be taken to help a poor family. He asked everyone to save and give sacrificially. When we got home, we talked about what we could do. We decided to buy 50 pounds of potatoes and live on them for a month. This would allow us to save $20 of our grocery money for the offering. Then we thought that if we kept our electric lights turned out as much as possible and didn't listen to the radio, we'd save money on that month's electric bill. Darlene got as many house and yard cleaning jobs as possible, and both of us baby sat for everyone we could. For 15 cents, we could buy enough cotton loops to make three pot holders to sell for $1. We made $20 on pot holders.
That month was one of the best of our lives. Every day we counted the money to see how much we had saved. At night we'd sit in the dark and talk about how the poor family was going to enjoy having the money the church would give them. We had about 80 people in church, so we figured that whatever amount of money we had to give, the offering would surely be 20 times that much. After all, every Sunday the Pastor had reminded everyone to save for the sacrificial offering.
The day before Easter, Ocy and I walked to the grocery store and got the manager to give us three crisp $20 bills and one $10 bill for all our change. We ran all the way home to show Mom and Darlene. We had never had so much money before.
That night we were so excited we could hardly sleep. We didn't care that we wouldn't have new clothes for Easter; we had $70 for the sacrificial offering. We could hardly wait to get to church!
On Sunday morning, rain was pouring. We didn't own an umbrella, and the church was over a mile from our home, but it didn't seem to matter how wet we got. Darlene had cardboard in her shoes to fill the holes. The cardboard came apart, and her feet got wet. But we sat in church proudly. I heard some teenagers talking about the Smith girls having on their old dresses. I looked at them in their new clothes, and I felt so rich. When the sacrificial offering was taken, we were sitting on the second row from the front. Mom put in the $10 bill, and each of us girls put in a $20. As we walked home after church, we sang all the way. At lunch Mom had a surprise for us. She had bought a dozen eggs, and we had boiled Easter eggs with our fried potatoes!
Late that afternoon the minister drove up in his car. Mom went to the door, talked with him for a moment, and then came back with an envelope in her hand. We asked what it was, but she didn't say a word. She opened the envelope and out fell a bunch of money. There were three crisp $20 bills, one $10 and seventeen $1 bills. Mom put the money back in the envelope. We didn't talk, just sat and stared at the floor. We had gone from feeling like millionaires to feeling so very poor. We kids had such a happy life that we felt sorry for anyone who didn't have our mom and dad for parents and a house full of brothers and sisters and other kids visiting constantly. We thought it was fun to share silverware and see whether we got the fork or the spoon that night. We had two knives which we passed around to whoever needed them. I knew we didn't have a lot of things that other people had, but I'd never thought we were poor. That Easter Day I found out we were. The minister had brought us the money for the poor family, so we must be poor.
I didn't like being poor. I looked at my dress and worn-out shoes and felt so ashamed that I didn't want to go back to church. Everyone there probably already knew we were poor! I thought about school. I was in the ninth grade and at the top of my class of over 100 students. I wondered if the kids at school knew we were poor. I decided I could quit school since I had finished the eighth grade. That was all the law required at that time. We sat in silence for a long time. Then it got dark, and we went to bed.
All that week, we girls went to school and came home, and no one talked much. Finally on Saturday, Mom asked us what we wanted to do with the money. What did poor people do with money? We didn't know. We'd never known we were poor.
We didn't want to go to church on Sunday, but Mom said we had to. Although it was a sunny day, we didn't talk on the way. Mom started to sing, but no one joined in and she only sang one verse. At church we had a missionary speaker. He talked about how churches in Brazil made buildings out of sun dried bricks, but they needed money to buy roofs. He said $100 would put a roof on a church. The minister said, "Can't we all sacrifice to help these poor people?" We looked at each other and smiled for the first time in a week. Mom reached into her purse and pulled out the envelope. She passed it to Darlene. Darlene gave it to me, and I handed it to Ocy. Ocy put it in the offering.
When the offering was counted, the minister announced that it was a little over $100. The missionary was excited. He hadn't expected such a large offering from our small church. he said, "You must have some rich people in this church." Suddenly it struck us! We had given $87 of the "little over $100." We were the rich family in the church! Hadn't the missionary said so?
From that day on I've never been poor again.
A month before Easter, the pastor of our church announced that a special Easter offering would be taken to help a poor family. He asked everyone to save and give sacrificially. When we got home, we talked about what we could do. We decided to buy 50 pounds of potatoes and live on them for a month. This would allow us to save $20 of our grocery money for the offering. Then we thought that if we kept our electric lights turned out as much as possible and didn't listen to the radio, we'd save money on that month's electric bill. Darlene got as many house and yard cleaning jobs as possible, and both of us baby sat for everyone we could. For 15 cents, we could buy enough cotton loops to make three pot holders to sell for $1. We made $20 on pot holders.
That month was one of the best of our lives. Every day we counted the money to see how much we had saved. At night we'd sit in the dark and talk about how the poor family was going to enjoy having the money the church would give them. We had about 80 people in church, so we figured that whatever amount of money we had to give, the offering would surely be 20 times that much. After all, every Sunday the Pastor had reminded everyone to save for the sacrificial offering.
The day before Easter, Ocy and I walked to the grocery store and got the manager to give us three crisp $20 bills and one $10 bill for all our change. We ran all the way home to show Mom and Darlene. We had never had so much money before.
That night we were so excited we could hardly sleep. We didn't care that we wouldn't have new clothes for Easter; we had $70 for the sacrificial offering. We could hardly wait to get to church!
On Sunday morning, rain was pouring. We didn't own an umbrella, and the church was over a mile from our home, but it didn't seem to matter how wet we got. Darlene had cardboard in her shoes to fill the holes. The cardboard came apart, and her feet got wet. But we sat in church proudly. I heard some teenagers talking about the Smith girls having on their old dresses. I looked at them in their new clothes, and I felt so rich. When the sacrificial offering was taken, we were sitting on the second row from the front. Mom put in the $10 bill, and each of us girls put in a $20. As we walked home after church, we sang all the way. At lunch Mom had a surprise for us. She had bought a dozen eggs, and we had boiled Easter eggs with our fried potatoes!
Late that afternoon the minister drove up in his car. Mom went to the door, talked with him for a moment, and then came back with an envelope in her hand. We asked what it was, but she didn't say a word. She opened the envelope and out fell a bunch of money. There were three crisp $20 bills, one $10 and seventeen $1 bills. Mom put the money back in the envelope. We didn't talk, just sat and stared at the floor. We had gone from feeling like millionaires to feeling so very poor. We kids had such a happy life that we felt sorry for anyone who didn't have our mom and dad for parents and a house full of brothers and sisters and other kids visiting constantly. We thought it was fun to share silverware and see whether we got the fork or the spoon that night. We had two knives which we passed around to whoever needed them. I knew we didn't have a lot of things that other people had, but I'd never thought we were poor. That Easter Day I found out we were. The minister had brought us the money for the poor family, so we must be poor.
I didn't like being poor. I looked at my dress and worn-out shoes and felt so ashamed that I didn't want to go back to church. Everyone there probably already knew we were poor! I thought about school. I was in the ninth grade and at the top of my class of over 100 students. I wondered if the kids at school knew we were poor. I decided I could quit school since I had finished the eighth grade. That was all the law required at that time. We sat in silence for a long time. Then it got dark, and we went to bed.
All that week, we girls went to school and came home, and no one talked much. Finally on Saturday, Mom asked us what we wanted to do with the money. What did poor people do with money? We didn't know. We'd never known we were poor.
We didn't want to go to church on Sunday, but Mom said we had to. Although it was a sunny day, we didn't talk on the way. Mom started to sing, but no one joined in and she only sang one verse. At church we had a missionary speaker. He talked about how churches in Brazil made buildings out of sun dried bricks, but they needed money to buy roofs. He said $100 would put a roof on a church. The minister said, "Can't we all sacrifice to help these poor people?" We looked at each other and smiled for the first time in a week. Mom reached into her purse and pulled out the envelope. She passed it to Darlene. Darlene gave it to me, and I handed it to Ocy. Ocy put it in the offering.
When the offering was counted, the minister announced that it was a little over $100. The missionary was excited. He hadn't expected such a large offering from our small church. he said, "You must have some rich people in this church." Suddenly it struck us! We had given $87 of the "little over $100." We were the rich family in the church! Hadn't the missionary said so?
From that day on I've never been poor again.
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
The yellow shirt
The yellow shirt had long sleeves, four extra-large pockets trimmed in black thread and snaps up the front. It was faded from years of wear, but still in decent shape. I found it in 1963 when I was home from college on Christmas break, rummaging through bags of clothes Mom intended to give away. 'You're not taking that old thing, are you?' Mom said when she saw me packing the yellow shirt. 'I wore that when I was pregnant with your brother in 1954!' 'It's just the thing to wear over my clothes during art class, Mom. Thanks!' I slipped it into my suitcase before she could object. The yellow shirt became a part of my college wardrobe. I loved it. After graduation, I wore the shirt the day I moved into my new apartment and on Saturday mornings when I cleaned. The next year, I married. When I became pregnant, I wore the yellow shirt during big-belly days. I missed Mom and the rest of my family, since we were in Colorado and they were in Illinois. But that shirt helped. I smiled, remembering that Mother had worn it when she was pregnant, 15 years earlier. That Christmas, mindful of the warm feelings the shirt had given me, I patched one elbow, wrapped it in holiday paper and sent it to Mom. When Mom wrote to thank me for her 'real' gifts, she said the yellow shirt was lovely. She never mentioned it again. The next year, my husband, daughter and I stopped at Mom and Dad's to pick up some furniture. Days later, when we uncrated the kitchen table, I noticed something yellow taped to its bottom. The shirt! And so the pattern was set. On our next visit home, I secretly placed the shirt under Mom and Dad's mattress. I don't know how long it took for her to find it, but almost two years passed before I discovered it under the base of our living-room floor lamp. The yellow shirt was just what I needed now while refinishing furniture. The walnut stains added character. In 1975 my husband and I divorced. With my three children, I prepared to move back to Illinois . As I packed, a deep depression overtook me. I wondered if I could make it on my own. I wondered if I would find a job. I paged through the Bible, looking for comfort. In Ephesians, I read, 'So use every piece of God's armor to resist the enemy whenever he attacks, and when it is all over, you will be standing up.' I tried to picture myself wearing God's armor, but all I saw was the stained yellow shirt. Slowly, it dawned on me. Wasn't my mother's love a piece of God's armor? My courage was renewed. Unpacking in our new home, I knew I had to get the shirt back to Mother. The next time I visited her, I tucked it in her bottom dresser drawer. Meanwhile, I found a good job at a radio station. A year later I discovered the yellow shirt hidden in a rag bag in my cleaning closet. Something new had been added. Embroidered in bright green across the breast pocket were the words 'I BELONG TO PAT.' Not to be outdone, I got out my own embroidery materials and added an apostrophe and seven more letters. Now the shirt proudly proclaimed, 'I BELONG TO PAT'S MOTHER.' But I didn't stop there. I zig-zagged all the frayed seams, then had a friend mail the shirt in a fancy box to Mom from Arlington , VA. We enclosed an official looking letter from 'The Institute for the Destitute,' announcing that she was the recipient of an award for good deeds. I would have given anything to see Mom's face when she opened the box. But, of course, she never mentioned it. Two years later, in 1978, I remarried. The day of our wedding, Harold and I put our car in a friend's garage to avoid practical jokers. After the wedding, while my husband drove us to our honeymoon suite, I reached for a pillow in the car to rest my head. It felt lumpy. I unzipped the case and found, wrapped in wedding paper, the yellow shirt. Inside a pocket was a note: 'Read John 14:27-29. I love you both, Mother.' That night I paged through the Bible in a hotel room and found the verses:
But the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in my name, he shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you.
Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.
Ye have heard how I said unto you, I go away, and come again unto you. If ye loved me, ye would rejoice, because I said, I go unto the Father: for my Father is greater than I.
And now I have told you before it come to pass, that, when it is come to pass, ye might believe.
The shirt was Mother's final gift. She had known for three months that she had terminal Lou Gehrig's disease. Mother died the following year at age 57.
I was tempted to send the yellow shirt with her to her grave. But I'm glad I didn't, because it is a vivid reminder of the love-filled game she and I played for 16 years. Besides, my older daughter is in college now, majoring in art. And every art student needs a baggy yellow shirt with big pockets.
But the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in my name, he shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you.
Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.
Ye have heard how I said unto you, I go away, and come again unto you. If ye loved me, ye would rejoice, because I said, I go unto the Father: for my Father is greater than I.
And now I have told you before it come to pass, that, when it is come to pass, ye might believe.
The shirt was Mother's final gift. She had known for three months that she had terminal Lou Gehrig's disease. Mother died the following year at age 57.
I was tempted to send the yellow shirt with her to her grave. But I'm glad I didn't, because it is a vivid reminder of the love-filled game she and I played for 16 years. Besides, my older daughter is in college now, majoring in art. And every art student needs a baggy yellow shirt with big pockets.
Sunday, March 15, 2009
The Coach
On the 21st of the month, the best man I know will do what he always does on the 21st of the month. He'll sit down and pen a love letter to his best girl. He'll say how much he misses her and loves her and can't wait to see her again.
Then he'll fold it once, slide it in a little envelope and walk into his bedroom. He'll go to the stack of love letters sitting there on her pillow, untie the yellow ribbon, place the new one on top and tie the ribbon again. The stack will be 180 letters high then, because the 21st will be 15 years to the day since Nellie, his beloved wife of 53 years, died.
In her memory, he sleeps only on his half of the bed, only on his pillow, only on top of the sheets, never between, with just the old bedspread they shared to keep him warm.
There's never been a finer man in American sports than John Wooden, or a finer coach. He won 10 NCAA basketball championships at UCLA, the last in 1975. Nobody has ever come within six of him.He won 88 straight games between January 30, 1971, and January 17, 1974. Nobody has come within 42 since.
So, sometimes, when the Basketball Madness gets to be too much -- too many players trying to make Sports Center, too few players trying to make assists, too few coaches willing to be mentors, too many freshmen with out-of-wedlock kids, too few freshmen who will stay in school long enough to become men -- I like to go see Coach Wooden.
I visit him in his little condo in Encino, 20 minutes northwest of Los Angeles, and hear him say things like "Gracious sakes alive!" and tell stories about teaching "Lewis" the hook shot. Lewis Alcindor, that is...who became Kareem Abdul-Jabbar.
There has never been another coach like Wooden, quiet as an April snow and square as a game of checkers; loyal to one woman, one school, one way; walking around campus in his sensible shoes and Jimmy Stewart morals.
He'd spend a half hour the first day of practice teaching his men how to put on a sock. "Wrinkles can lead to blisters," he'd warn. These huge players would sneak looks at one another and roll their eyes. Eventually, they'd do it right. "Good," he'd say. "And now for the other foot."
Of the 180 players who played for him, Wooden knows the whereabouts of 172. Of course, it's not hard when most of them call, checking on his health, secretly hoping to hear some of his simple life lessons so that they can write them on the lunch bags of their kids, who will roll their eyes.
"Discipline yourself, and others won't need to," Coach would say.
"Never lie, never cheat, never steal," and "Earn the right to be proud and confident."
If you played for him, you played by his rules: Never score without acknowledging a teammate. One word of profanity, and you're done for the day. Treat your opponent with respect.
He believed in hopelessly out-of-date stuff that never did anything but win championships. No dribbling behind the back or through the legs. "There's no need," he'd say.
No UCLA basketball number was retired under his watch. "What about the fellows who wore that number before? Didn't they contribute to the team?" he'd say.
No long hair, no facial hair. "They take too long to dry, and you could catch cold leaving the gym," he'd say. That one drove his players bonkers.
One day, All-America center Bill Walton showed up with a full beard. "It's my right," he insisted. Wooden asked if he believed that strongly. Walton said he did."That's good, Bill," Coach said. "I admire people who have strong beliefs and stick by them, I really do. We're going to miss you."
Walton shaved it right then and there.
Now Walton calls once a week to tell Coach he loves him.It's always too soon when you have to leave the condo and go back out into the real world, where the rules are so much grayer and the teams so much worse.
As Wooden shows you to the door, you take one last look around. The framed report cards of his great-grandkids, the boxes of jelly beans peeking out from under the favorite wooden chair, the dozens of pictures of Nellie.
He's almost 90 now. You think a little more hunched over than last time. Steps a little smaller. You hope it's not the last time you see him.
He smiles. "I'm not afraid to die," he says. "Death is my only chance to be with her again."
Then he'll fold it once, slide it in a little envelope and walk into his bedroom. He'll go to the stack of love letters sitting there on her pillow, untie the yellow ribbon, place the new one on top and tie the ribbon again. The stack will be 180 letters high then, because the 21st will be 15 years to the day since Nellie, his beloved wife of 53 years, died.
In her memory, he sleeps only on his half of the bed, only on his pillow, only on top of the sheets, never between, with just the old bedspread they shared to keep him warm.
There's never been a finer man in American sports than John Wooden, or a finer coach. He won 10 NCAA basketball championships at UCLA, the last in 1975. Nobody has ever come within six of him.He won 88 straight games between January 30, 1971, and January 17, 1974. Nobody has come within 42 since.
So, sometimes, when the Basketball Madness gets to be too much -- too many players trying to make Sports Center, too few players trying to make assists, too few coaches willing to be mentors, too many freshmen with out-of-wedlock kids, too few freshmen who will stay in school long enough to become men -- I like to go see Coach Wooden.
I visit him in his little condo in Encino, 20 minutes northwest of Los Angeles, and hear him say things like "Gracious sakes alive!" and tell stories about teaching "Lewis" the hook shot. Lewis Alcindor, that is...who became Kareem Abdul-Jabbar.
There has never been another coach like Wooden, quiet as an April snow and square as a game of checkers; loyal to one woman, one school, one way; walking around campus in his sensible shoes and Jimmy Stewart morals.
He'd spend a half hour the first day of practice teaching his men how to put on a sock. "Wrinkles can lead to blisters," he'd warn. These huge players would sneak looks at one another and roll their eyes. Eventually, they'd do it right. "Good," he'd say. "And now for the other foot."
Of the 180 players who played for him, Wooden knows the whereabouts of 172. Of course, it's not hard when most of them call, checking on his health, secretly hoping to hear some of his simple life lessons so that they can write them on the lunch bags of their kids, who will roll their eyes.
"Discipline yourself, and others won't need to," Coach would say.
"Never lie, never cheat, never steal," and "Earn the right to be proud and confident."
If you played for him, you played by his rules: Never score without acknowledging a teammate. One word of profanity, and you're done for the day. Treat your opponent with respect.
He believed in hopelessly out-of-date stuff that never did anything but win championships. No dribbling behind the back or through the legs. "There's no need," he'd say.
No UCLA basketball number was retired under his watch. "What about the fellows who wore that number before? Didn't they contribute to the team?" he'd say.
No long hair, no facial hair. "They take too long to dry, and you could catch cold leaving the gym," he'd say. That one drove his players bonkers.
One day, All-America center Bill Walton showed up with a full beard. "It's my right," he insisted. Wooden asked if he believed that strongly. Walton said he did."That's good, Bill," Coach said. "I admire people who have strong beliefs and stick by them, I really do. We're going to miss you."
Walton shaved it right then and there.
Now Walton calls once a week to tell Coach he loves him.It's always too soon when you have to leave the condo and go back out into the real world, where the rules are so much grayer and the teams so much worse.
As Wooden shows you to the door, you take one last look around. The framed report cards of his great-grandkids, the boxes of jelly beans peeking out from under the favorite wooden chair, the dozens of pictures of Nellie.
He's almost 90 now. You think a little more hunched over than last time. Steps a little smaller. You hope it's not the last time you see him.
He smiles. "I'm not afraid to die," he says. "Death is my only chance to be with her again."
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Western Painted Turtle
True story. In 1985 there was a Church welfare farm up at Warm Springs. On a work project cleaning out ditches, I was scooping muck out of a cement culvert with a flat bottom shovel when up came a Western Painted Turtle, about 12-15 inches long, snapping and very unhappy at being disturbed. I wish I had taken a photo. We left him to his domain.
Sunday, March 8, 2009
Why It Is Not Good For Man To Be Alone
(This is a great article, quite long. It is very well researched and documented. I suppose I could have just given you the reference over at Meridian, but I wanted anyone who happened upon this blog post to be able to read it here.)
Why It Is Not Good For Man To Be Alone
by Larry Barkdull (Meridian Magazine)
A plague of deception has infected the ranks of single LDS men. Unchecked, it threatens not only their individual salvation but the purpose for which the earth was created. The perpetrator of that plague is Satan, and his sickness is being manifested in at least three ways:
Remaining single without good cause, Hanging out rather than dating, and Dating without the purpose of finding an eternal companion.
Such marriage-aged single men, both young and old, are neglecting the covenant that they made when they received the Melchizedek Priesthood. Unless they repent, they will be held accountable.
The Godly Goodness of Marriage
To understand the seriousness of man's remaining single, we must go back to the beginning. In the Garden of Eden, when the Gods counseled concerning Adam and his condition of singleness, they made a significant statement: “It is not good that the man should be alone.” 1
The word good is more than a convenient modifier. When God completed the creation of the earth, he looked upon his work and pronounced it “good.” 2 Then when he gave Eve to Adam in marriage, he pronounced the totality of his Creation “very good.” 3
The word good has an additional meaning. Once, when a young man saluted Jesus as “Good Master,” Jesus quickly challenged him: “Why callest thou me good? There is none good but one, that is, God.” 4 That Jesus would equate good with God is telling.
Combining these accounts, we see an intriguing definition of the word good emerge. That God is good and that he would pronounce his Creation “very good” with Adam and Eve now together in marriage seem to suggest that he considered the end-result Godlike. Therefore, we might say it is not Godlike for man to be alone.
To solve the not good condition of Adam's singleness, the Gods created “an help meet for him;” 5 that is, “a helper suited to, worthy of, or corresponding to him.” 6 Of significance, Adam was asleep without Eve, but when he awakened and saw her, he also awakened to the possibilities of eternal life. Clearly, man is spiritually asleep until he marries. Moreover, man is helpless without “an helpmeet, and he is incomplete and useless without a companion: “And Adam said, [Eve] is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman.” 7
Clearly, the condition of marriage is “good” or Godlike. Marriage was so critical to Adam's salvation that he declared that forevermore marriage would require the sacrifice of a man's former relationships and the sacrifice of his self-serving desires: “For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh.” 8
God takes this union seriously. “What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.” 9 Because marriage was the crowning event of the Creation, we might venture to say that Adam was created to marry. And so it is with us. All gospel roads lead to an altar in a temple; therefore, man was born to marry. Moreover, we might be safe in saying that we could trace everything in the universe back to a Husband and a Wife, who at a distant time, knelt at an altar and entered into the eternal covenant of marriage.
The Wasting of the Earth and of a Life
One of the first messages of the Restoration regarded marriage. When Moroni appeared to Joseph Smith on the night of September 21, 1823, he revealed the sobering fact that if marriages did not exist and if those marriages were not sealed with a welding link, “the whole earth would be utterly wasted at [the Lord's] coming.” 10 Robert L. Millet explains, “Why would the earth be wasted at his coming? Because the earth would not have accomplished its foreordained purpose of establishing on its face a family system patterned after the order of heaven. If there were no sealing powers whereby families could be bound together, then the earth would never ‘answer the end of its creation' (D&C 49:16). It would be wasted and cursed, for all men and women would be forever without root or branch, without ancestry or posterity.” 11
Single men, who are capable of marrying and do not, may think that they making a decision that affects only them, when in fact they are affecting the entire purpose of the earth's creation. They are wasting the divine destiny of the earth and they are also wasting their divine destiny. They will be held accountable.
Magnifying the Priesthood Calling
The oath and covenant of the priesthood is entitled “the covenant of exaltation.” 12 Interesting, this term, “the covenant of exaltation,” is also used for the covenant of eternal marriage. 13 Thus, priesthood and marriage are inseparably connected; one without the other is useless.
President Kimball succinctly stated the purpose of the priesthood: “Priesthood is the means to exaltation. The priesthood is the power and authority of God delegated to man … enabling him to enter the new and everlasting covenant of marriage and to have his wife and children bound to him in an everlasting tie, enabling him to become a patriarch to his posterity forever, and enabling him to receive a fullness of the blessings of the Lord.” 14
When a man is ordained to the Melchizedek Priesthood, he receives it with an oath and a covenant:
The Father's oath states that if the man magnifies his calling and remains worthy, that man will become like the Father in every way and inherit all that the Father has, which things are the definition of eternal life. Elder McConkie said this is the Lord's promise of exaltation, godhood, eternal marriage, and endless posterity; 15
The man's covenant is that he will be faithful in all things, magnify his calling in the priesthood, receive Christ and his Father, and live by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God. 16Note that the word calling is singular.
President Henry B. Eyring said the purpose of the Melchizedek Priesthood centers on obtaining eternal life. Failure to make the covenant of the priesthood or neglecting to keep the covenant after a man has received it summons severe penalties and tragic consequences. But a man need not fear, if he is trying to do his best; imbedded in the covenant itself is God's promise that he will sustain that man, help him live the covenant, and bless him with success. 17
As we have said, beyond every calling in the priesthood, the one calling that stands supreme is to become like God. A man's calling in the priesthood is the call to eternal life, which can only be achieved by marriage.
A man takes upon himself the oath and covenant of the priesthood and magnifies his calling in three stages:
Ordination to the priesthood
Temple endowment
Temple marriage
If a man neglects any of these steps, he has not magnified his priesthood, and he has broken his priesthood covenant. Therefore, the Father's oath with its attendant blessings is no longer functional in that man's life.
The Obligation of the Revealed Covenant of Marriage
As a prelude to the revelation on eternal marriage, the Lord first stipulated the seriousness of a man's receiving this revelation: “Therefore, prepare thy heart to receive and obey the instructions which I am about to give unto you; for all those who have this law revealed unto them must obey the same.” 18 Being acquainted with the law of marriage is not enough; once a man learns of this law, he must obey it or face serious consequences. Because this law is published openly in the Doctrine and Covenants, no man is left with an excuse.
Two choices are available to the man who is capable of marrying and knows of this new and everlasting covenant of marriage 19 ? either exaltation or damnation: “For behold, I reveal unto you a new and an everlasting covenant; and if ye abide not that covenant, then are ye damned; for no one can reject this covenant and be permitted to enter into my glory.” 20
The Lord will not be mocked. If a man desires exaltation, he must obey the law that yields exaltation: “For all who will have a blessing at my hands shall abide the law which was appointed for that blessing, and the conditions thereof, as were instituted from before the foundation of the world. And as pertaining to the new and everlasting covenant, it was instituted for the fulness of my glory; and he that receiveth a fulness thereof must and shall abide the law, or he shall be damned, saith the Lord God.” 21
Is there any part of this that any single man could not understand?
Consequences for Obedience or Disobedience to the Law of Marriage
So that we do not misunderstand, a man accepts the Melchizedek Priesthood with a covenant to magnify his calling. That calling is the call to eternal life — to become all that the Father is, to do what the Father does, and to inherit all that the Father has. None of this is possible without marrying in the temple. To that end, the Father revealed the new and everlasting covenant of marriage.
If a man knows of that revelation — and it would be impossible for him not to know of it — then he has an obligation to live it or be damned. But if he enters into the law of marriage, which is the covenant of exaltation, and if he remains faithful, he is assured that he has fulfilled the terms of his priesthood covenant and that he will receive every promise contained in the Father's oath. These blessings include celestial resurrection, celestial inheritance, godhood, eternal parenthood, and supernal power and glory.
“Ye shall come forth in the first resurrection … and shall inherit thrones, kingdoms, principalities, and powers, dominions, all heights and depths … and if ye abide in my covenant … it shall be done unto them in all things whatsoever my servant hath put upon them, in time, and through all eternity; and shall be of full force when they are out of the world; and they shall pass by the angels, and the gods, which are set there, to their exaltation and glory in all things, as hath been sealed upon their heads, which glory shall be a fulness and a continuation of the seeds forever and ever.
"Then shall they be gods, because they have no end; therefore shall they be from everlasting to everlasting, because they continue; then shall they be above all, because all things are subject unto them. Then shall they be gods, because they have all power, and the angels are subject unto them.” 22
Can a capable man attain to these blessings by remaining single? No! The Lord says, “Verily, verily, I say unto you, except ye abide my law ye cannot attain to this glory. For strait is the gate, and narrow the way that leadeth unto the exaltation and continuation of the lives, and few there be that find it.” Why would only a few find this glory? Every unmarried Melchizedek Priesthood holder needs to listen to the Lord's answer: “Because ye receive me not in the world neither do ye know me.”
This is a terrible indictment. When a man is ordained to the Melchizedek Priesthood, he makes a covenant to “receive” Jesus Christ and his Father.” 23 The only way he can do that is by marrying in the temple. But sadly, some neglect or postpone their priesthood covenant, and consequently they neither receive the Lord nor know him.
On the other hand, some men push past their fears, prejudices and selfish tendencies and marry according to their priesthood covenant. Of them, the Lord says, “But if ye receive me in the world, then shall ye know me, and shall receive your exaltation; that where I am ye shall be also. This is eternal lives ? to know the only wise and true God, and Jesus Christ, whom he hath sent. I am he. Receive ye, therefore, my law.” 24 Could the Lord conclude with a more powerful statement than a command to live the law of marriage?
Satanic Deceptions
The attack on marriage and family takes many forms. An effective demonic device to assault marriage and family among latter-day saints is to bombard single Melchizedek Priesthood holders with reasons to postpone or neglect marriage. Several satanic strategies are selfishness, fear, lack of finances, and lack of commitment.
Selfishness
Selfishness is prevalent. We can detect selfishness with the word “I.” “I haven't had enough fun yet.” “I need to finish my education first.” “I haven't found a girl that meets my criteria.” This man needs to repent.
A woman encountering such a man should flee. He is not a man, but a boy. He is not honoring his priesthood. The priesthood is specifically given to serve people and bring them to Christ. His trustworthiness is in question. Every single man should know that the parents of a prospective bride will ask their daughter two questions about the man she intends to marry, and one of those questions is not “Do you love him?” Love is easy; trust is hard. They will ask, “Do you trust him, and does he put you first?”
Selfishness is at its ugliest when a man sees a woman as a sexual object and not as a daughter of God. This attitude motivates him to date with no purpose other than fulfilling sexual desires that range from kissing to petting to fornication — with absolutely no commitment. He either remains with one girl for a period of time or he moves from girl to girl for the primary purpose of gratifying his desires.
This man is described in D&C 121 as one of the many who have been called to eternal life by reason of their ordination to the priesthood, but who are not chosen because they have their hearts so set upon the things of the world. The result is loss of the priesthood: “Amen to the priesthood or authority of that man.” 25
Selfishness also rears its ugly head when a man is overly picky. Of course, people ought to be compatible, but the only spiritual criterion for eternal marriage is obedience to the Covenant. If a woman can truthfully answer the questions contained in the temple recommend interview, she is worthy of a man's love. When Abraham sent his servant to find a wife for Isaac, his only desire for his son was to find a woman who lived the Covenant. If that was good enough for Abraham and Isaac, it should be good enough for their sons.
Fear
Fear comes from Satan. He urges us to gaze into the future then tells us that the future is bleak. He makes us doomsday prophets, but without the prophetic gift. For example, a man might imagine that something will change in his wife and the marriage will end in divorce. Who said so? Satan? Is he telling the truth? Why would a man listen to such garbage? He might as well be seeking an endorsement of his intended wife and marriage from a drunk on the street.
Any fear of the future is lack of faith, and completely unworthy of a Melchizedek Priesthood holder. The Father's oath in the priesthood covenant states that “you shall live by every word that proceedeth forth from the mouth of God.” That is, the Lord is guaranteeing ongoing help through revelation. A worthy husband is entitled to revelation to guide his family. Moreover, the Father promises angelic attention to such a husband: “I have given the heavenly hosts and mine angels charge concerning you.” 26 What have we to fear with such promises? We must keep in mind that we are not entering into a marriage of the world; we are entering into a priesthood order that is governed and blessed by priesthood principles. Blessings attend eternal marriages.
Fear might arise when a man wonders if he is capable of making the right choice in a companion. The answer is probably not. He needs the Lord's help. That is one reason why the Lord gave the man the Melchizedek Priesthood, which carries the right to revelation and angelic ministration. The priesthood gives the man the authority to call upon God so that the man receives power to magnify his priesthood calling. If he will approach dating in the way of the priesthood, the Father will introduce him to one of his choice daughters, whom that man can then lead to the temple. But fear will never get him to that point; only faith can get him there.
Money
The world puts a price on everything. In the world, marriage is as much a financial consideration as it is a consideration of love. This deception has crept into the ranks of single LDS men. If a man really believes in the priesthood covenant, then he also believes in the God, who has agreed to stand beside him and uphold him. The question is this: Whom will you serve: God or mammon? If a man thinks in terms of money with regard to eternal marriage, he is serving mammon. Does that exempt him from his obligation to support his wife and family? Of course not. But not to marry because of finances is a vote of no confidence in God and a violation of the priesthood covenant. Eternal marriage has nothing to do with money and everything to do with faith and obedience.
Commitment
The oath and covenant of the priesthood contains a strict warning from the Lord: “And I now give unto you a commandment to beware concerning yourselves, to give diligent heed to the words of eternal life.” 27
An uncommitted man is beset by fears, selfishness or both. In either case, light cannot exist in him.
The priesthood calls for sacrifice, courage and diligence. The power of commitment approaches the power of God, and if this attribute is not evident in a man, the woman who is dating him should move on. He is simply not worth the effort. His ability to truly love a woman, support her throughout her life, and lead their family to the celestial kingdom is in serious question. Again, he is not a man, but a boy.
Synergy
Whereas a woman should flee a selfish or uncommitted man, she is in a strong position to help a man who is dealing with fears, which might include fears regarding finances. Early on, a couple learns that they are much stronger together than they are apart; the husband relies on his wife and the wife relies on her husband.
President Gordon B. Hinckley taught this principle with a promise: “When you are united, your power is limitless. You can accomplish anything you wish to accomplish.” 28
Jesus taught his disciples in Jerusalem concerning the power of unity, and then he taught that principle anew in this dispensation. “Verily, verily, I say unto you, as I said unto my disciples, where two or three are gathered together in my name, as touching one thing, behold, there will I be in the midst of them ? even so am I in the midst of you.” 29 Certainly, a husband and a wife would qualify. By definition of their marriage covenant, they are (or should be) gathered in my name.
This oneness has a synergistic effect. Synergy refers to the phenomenon in which two or more agents acting together create an effect greater than the sum of the individual agents. For example, if one thread can hold five pounds before it breaks, two threads woven together might be predicted to hold twice as much ? ten pounds. In fact, the effect of synergy causes the two threads to hold four or more pounds! Man alone is weak, but he becomes incredibly strong in marriage. It is simply not good for man to remain single.
Conclusion
If the adversary were to concoct a strategy to destroy Melchizedek Priesthood holders, he could not create a plan more effective than to convince them to postpone marriage or to neglect it altogether. He not only robs men of their potential of exaltation, but he strips them of their priesthood. Truly, even the very elect 30 are being deceived in the last days by his tactics.
Nothing good can come from remaining single, because being good is ultimately being Godlike. God is married; God is a father; God is unselfish, filled with faith, completely dedicated and committed. A man is not good, by this definition, because he is not Godlike. Moreover, a man wastes his life and wastes the earth by postponing marriage and remaining single for no good cause. If that cause tends to selfishness or lack of commitment, his priesthood is forfeited along with the Father's promises.
Upon a man's ordination to the Melchizedek Priesthood, he agreed, among other things, to magnify his calling. That singular calling is the call to eternal life, to become like God so that a man might receive all that the Father has. The only way for a man to ultimately magnify his calling in the priesthood is to marry in the temple. For that reason man was born and obtained a physical body; for that reason he entered into the New and Everlasting Covenant by baptism; for that reason he received the priesthood with an oath and a covenant; for that reason he entered the temple and was washed, anointed and endowed with God's power and knowledge; and for that reason he lives his life as God's servant and son.
Eternal marriage is the summit of existence, the reason for being, the purpose for which we have waited and prepared for untold eternities, and the source of consummate joy. May the single men of the Church detect Satan's deceptions and rid themselves of this latter-day plague. May they magnify their calling and grasp the prize of eternal life. May they heed the counsel of Lehi: “Arise from the dust, my sons, and be men.” 31
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Notes
1 Genesis 2:18
2 Genesis 1:25
3 Genesis 1:31
4 Mark 10:17-18
5 Genesis 2:18
6 Genesis 2:18, footnote b
7 Genesis 2:23
8 Matthew 19:5
9 Matthew 19:6
10 D&C 2:3
11 Robert L. Millet, When a Child Wanders, p.100 - 101
12 Bruce R. McConkie, A New Witness for the Articles of Faith, p.312
13 See Bruce R. McConkie, “Abrahamic Covenant,” Mormon Doctrine, p.13; Joseph Fielding Smith, Doctrines of Salvation, vol. 2:58
14 Spencer W. Kimball, The Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball, p.494
15 See Bruce R. McConkie, “The Doctrine of the Priesthood,” Ensign, May 1982; See D&C 131:1–4
16 See D&C 84:33-44
17 See Henry B. Eyring, “Faith and the Oath and Covenant of the Priesthood,” Ensign, May 2008
18 D&C 132:3
19 See D&C 131:2
20 D&C 132:4
21 D&C 132:5-6
22 D&C 132:19-20
23 See D&C 84:35-37
24 D&C 132:23-24
25 See D&C 121:34-37
26 D&C 84:42,44
27 D&C 84:43
28 Gordon B. Hinckley, “Your Greatest Challenge, Mother,” Ensign, November 2000
29 D&C 6:32; (see Matthew 18:20)
30 See Matthew 24:24
31 2 Nephi 1:21
Return to Top of Article
Click here to sign up for Meridian's FREE email updates.
Why It Is Not Good For Man To Be Alone
by Larry Barkdull (Meridian Magazine)
A plague of deception has infected the ranks of single LDS men. Unchecked, it threatens not only their individual salvation but the purpose for which the earth was created. The perpetrator of that plague is Satan, and his sickness is being manifested in at least three ways:
Remaining single without good cause, Hanging out rather than dating, and Dating without the purpose of finding an eternal companion.
Such marriage-aged single men, both young and old, are neglecting the covenant that they made when they received the Melchizedek Priesthood. Unless they repent, they will be held accountable.
The Godly Goodness of Marriage
To understand the seriousness of man's remaining single, we must go back to the beginning. In the Garden of Eden, when the Gods counseled concerning Adam and his condition of singleness, they made a significant statement: “It is not good that the man should be alone.” 1
The word good is more than a convenient modifier. When God completed the creation of the earth, he looked upon his work and pronounced it “good.” 2 Then when he gave Eve to Adam in marriage, he pronounced the totality of his Creation “very good.” 3
The word good has an additional meaning. Once, when a young man saluted Jesus as “Good Master,” Jesus quickly challenged him: “Why callest thou me good? There is none good but one, that is, God.” 4 That Jesus would equate good with God is telling.
Combining these accounts, we see an intriguing definition of the word good emerge. That God is good and that he would pronounce his Creation “very good” with Adam and Eve now together in marriage seem to suggest that he considered the end-result Godlike. Therefore, we might say it is not Godlike for man to be alone.
To solve the not good condition of Adam's singleness, the Gods created “an help meet for him;” 5 that is, “a helper suited to, worthy of, or corresponding to him.” 6 Of significance, Adam was asleep without Eve, but when he awakened and saw her, he also awakened to the possibilities of eternal life. Clearly, man is spiritually asleep until he marries. Moreover, man is helpless without “an helpmeet, and he is incomplete and useless without a companion: “And Adam said, [Eve] is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman.” 7
Clearly, the condition of marriage is “good” or Godlike. Marriage was so critical to Adam's salvation that he declared that forevermore marriage would require the sacrifice of a man's former relationships and the sacrifice of his self-serving desires: “For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh.” 8
God takes this union seriously. “What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.” 9 Because marriage was the crowning event of the Creation, we might venture to say that Adam was created to marry. And so it is with us. All gospel roads lead to an altar in a temple; therefore, man was born to marry. Moreover, we might be safe in saying that we could trace everything in the universe back to a Husband and a Wife, who at a distant time, knelt at an altar and entered into the eternal covenant of marriage.
The Wasting of the Earth and of a Life
One of the first messages of the Restoration regarded marriage. When Moroni appeared to Joseph Smith on the night of September 21, 1823, he revealed the sobering fact that if marriages did not exist and if those marriages were not sealed with a welding link, “the whole earth would be utterly wasted at [the Lord's] coming.” 10 Robert L. Millet explains, “Why would the earth be wasted at his coming? Because the earth would not have accomplished its foreordained purpose of establishing on its face a family system patterned after the order of heaven. If there were no sealing powers whereby families could be bound together, then the earth would never ‘answer the end of its creation' (D&C 49:16). It would be wasted and cursed, for all men and women would be forever without root or branch, without ancestry or posterity.” 11
Single men, who are capable of marrying and do not, may think that they making a decision that affects only them, when in fact they are affecting the entire purpose of the earth's creation. They are wasting the divine destiny of the earth and they are also wasting their divine destiny. They will be held accountable.
Magnifying the Priesthood Calling
The oath and covenant of the priesthood is entitled “the covenant of exaltation.” 12 Interesting, this term, “the covenant of exaltation,” is also used for the covenant of eternal marriage. 13 Thus, priesthood and marriage are inseparably connected; one without the other is useless.
President Kimball succinctly stated the purpose of the priesthood: “Priesthood is the means to exaltation. The priesthood is the power and authority of God delegated to man … enabling him to enter the new and everlasting covenant of marriage and to have his wife and children bound to him in an everlasting tie, enabling him to become a patriarch to his posterity forever, and enabling him to receive a fullness of the blessings of the Lord.” 14
When a man is ordained to the Melchizedek Priesthood, he receives it with an oath and a covenant:
The Father's oath states that if the man magnifies his calling and remains worthy, that man will become like the Father in every way and inherit all that the Father has, which things are the definition of eternal life. Elder McConkie said this is the Lord's promise of exaltation, godhood, eternal marriage, and endless posterity; 15
The man's covenant is that he will be faithful in all things, magnify his calling in the priesthood, receive Christ and his Father, and live by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God. 16Note that the word calling is singular.
President Henry B. Eyring said the purpose of the Melchizedek Priesthood centers on obtaining eternal life. Failure to make the covenant of the priesthood or neglecting to keep the covenant after a man has received it summons severe penalties and tragic consequences. But a man need not fear, if he is trying to do his best; imbedded in the covenant itself is God's promise that he will sustain that man, help him live the covenant, and bless him with success. 17
As we have said, beyond every calling in the priesthood, the one calling that stands supreme is to become like God. A man's calling in the priesthood is the call to eternal life, which can only be achieved by marriage.
A man takes upon himself the oath and covenant of the priesthood and magnifies his calling in three stages:
Ordination to the priesthood
Temple endowment
Temple marriage
If a man neglects any of these steps, he has not magnified his priesthood, and he has broken his priesthood covenant. Therefore, the Father's oath with its attendant blessings is no longer functional in that man's life.
The Obligation of the Revealed Covenant of Marriage
As a prelude to the revelation on eternal marriage, the Lord first stipulated the seriousness of a man's receiving this revelation: “Therefore, prepare thy heart to receive and obey the instructions which I am about to give unto you; for all those who have this law revealed unto them must obey the same.” 18 Being acquainted with the law of marriage is not enough; once a man learns of this law, he must obey it or face serious consequences. Because this law is published openly in the Doctrine and Covenants, no man is left with an excuse.
Two choices are available to the man who is capable of marrying and knows of this new and everlasting covenant of marriage 19 ? either exaltation or damnation: “For behold, I reveal unto you a new and an everlasting covenant; and if ye abide not that covenant, then are ye damned; for no one can reject this covenant and be permitted to enter into my glory.” 20
The Lord will not be mocked. If a man desires exaltation, he must obey the law that yields exaltation: “For all who will have a blessing at my hands shall abide the law which was appointed for that blessing, and the conditions thereof, as were instituted from before the foundation of the world. And as pertaining to the new and everlasting covenant, it was instituted for the fulness of my glory; and he that receiveth a fulness thereof must and shall abide the law, or he shall be damned, saith the Lord God.” 21
Is there any part of this that any single man could not understand?
Consequences for Obedience or Disobedience to the Law of Marriage
So that we do not misunderstand, a man accepts the Melchizedek Priesthood with a covenant to magnify his calling. That calling is the call to eternal life — to become all that the Father is, to do what the Father does, and to inherit all that the Father has. None of this is possible without marrying in the temple. To that end, the Father revealed the new and everlasting covenant of marriage.
If a man knows of that revelation — and it would be impossible for him not to know of it — then he has an obligation to live it or be damned. But if he enters into the law of marriage, which is the covenant of exaltation, and if he remains faithful, he is assured that he has fulfilled the terms of his priesthood covenant and that he will receive every promise contained in the Father's oath. These blessings include celestial resurrection, celestial inheritance, godhood, eternal parenthood, and supernal power and glory.
“Ye shall come forth in the first resurrection … and shall inherit thrones, kingdoms, principalities, and powers, dominions, all heights and depths … and if ye abide in my covenant … it shall be done unto them in all things whatsoever my servant hath put upon them, in time, and through all eternity; and shall be of full force when they are out of the world; and they shall pass by the angels, and the gods, which are set there, to their exaltation and glory in all things, as hath been sealed upon their heads, which glory shall be a fulness and a continuation of the seeds forever and ever.
"Then shall they be gods, because they have no end; therefore shall they be from everlasting to everlasting, because they continue; then shall they be above all, because all things are subject unto them. Then shall they be gods, because they have all power, and the angels are subject unto them.” 22
Can a capable man attain to these blessings by remaining single? No! The Lord says, “Verily, verily, I say unto you, except ye abide my law ye cannot attain to this glory. For strait is the gate, and narrow the way that leadeth unto the exaltation and continuation of the lives, and few there be that find it.” Why would only a few find this glory? Every unmarried Melchizedek Priesthood holder needs to listen to the Lord's answer: “Because ye receive me not in the world neither do ye know me.”
This is a terrible indictment. When a man is ordained to the Melchizedek Priesthood, he makes a covenant to “receive” Jesus Christ and his Father.” 23 The only way he can do that is by marrying in the temple. But sadly, some neglect or postpone their priesthood covenant, and consequently they neither receive the Lord nor know him.
On the other hand, some men push past their fears, prejudices and selfish tendencies and marry according to their priesthood covenant. Of them, the Lord says, “But if ye receive me in the world, then shall ye know me, and shall receive your exaltation; that where I am ye shall be also. This is eternal lives ? to know the only wise and true God, and Jesus Christ, whom he hath sent. I am he. Receive ye, therefore, my law.” 24 Could the Lord conclude with a more powerful statement than a command to live the law of marriage?
Satanic Deceptions
The attack on marriage and family takes many forms. An effective demonic device to assault marriage and family among latter-day saints is to bombard single Melchizedek Priesthood holders with reasons to postpone or neglect marriage. Several satanic strategies are selfishness, fear, lack of finances, and lack of commitment.
Selfishness
Selfishness is prevalent. We can detect selfishness with the word “I.” “I haven't had enough fun yet.” “I need to finish my education first.” “I haven't found a girl that meets my criteria.” This man needs to repent.
A woman encountering such a man should flee. He is not a man, but a boy. He is not honoring his priesthood. The priesthood is specifically given to serve people and bring them to Christ. His trustworthiness is in question. Every single man should know that the parents of a prospective bride will ask their daughter two questions about the man she intends to marry, and one of those questions is not “Do you love him?” Love is easy; trust is hard. They will ask, “Do you trust him, and does he put you first?”
Selfishness is at its ugliest when a man sees a woman as a sexual object and not as a daughter of God. This attitude motivates him to date with no purpose other than fulfilling sexual desires that range from kissing to petting to fornication — with absolutely no commitment. He either remains with one girl for a period of time or he moves from girl to girl for the primary purpose of gratifying his desires.
This man is described in D&C 121 as one of the many who have been called to eternal life by reason of their ordination to the priesthood, but who are not chosen because they have their hearts so set upon the things of the world. The result is loss of the priesthood: “Amen to the priesthood or authority of that man.” 25
Selfishness also rears its ugly head when a man is overly picky. Of course, people ought to be compatible, but the only spiritual criterion for eternal marriage is obedience to the Covenant. If a woman can truthfully answer the questions contained in the temple recommend interview, she is worthy of a man's love. When Abraham sent his servant to find a wife for Isaac, his only desire for his son was to find a woman who lived the Covenant. If that was good enough for Abraham and Isaac, it should be good enough for their sons.
Fear
Fear comes from Satan. He urges us to gaze into the future then tells us that the future is bleak. He makes us doomsday prophets, but without the prophetic gift. For example, a man might imagine that something will change in his wife and the marriage will end in divorce. Who said so? Satan? Is he telling the truth? Why would a man listen to such garbage? He might as well be seeking an endorsement of his intended wife and marriage from a drunk on the street.
Any fear of the future is lack of faith, and completely unworthy of a Melchizedek Priesthood holder. The Father's oath in the priesthood covenant states that “you shall live by every word that proceedeth forth from the mouth of God.” That is, the Lord is guaranteeing ongoing help through revelation. A worthy husband is entitled to revelation to guide his family. Moreover, the Father promises angelic attention to such a husband: “I have given the heavenly hosts and mine angels charge concerning you.” 26 What have we to fear with such promises? We must keep in mind that we are not entering into a marriage of the world; we are entering into a priesthood order that is governed and blessed by priesthood principles. Blessings attend eternal marriages.
Fear might arise when a man wonders if he is capable of making the right choice in a companion. The answer is probably not. He needs the Lord's help. That is one reason why the Lord gave the man the Melchizedek Priesthood, which carries the right to revelation and angelic ministration. The priesthood gives the man the authority to call upon God so that the man receives power to magnify his priesthood calling. If he will approach dating in the way of the priesthood, the Father will introduce him to one of his choice daughters, whom that man can then lead to the temple. But fear will never get him to that point; only faith can get him there.
Money
The world puts a price on everything. In the world, marriage is as much a financial consideration as it is a consideration of love. This deception has crept into the ranks of single LDS men. If a man really believes in the priesthood covenant, then he also believes in the God, who has agreed to stand beside him and uphold him. The question is this: Whom will you serve: God or mammon? If a man thinks in terms of money with regard to eternal marriage, he is serving mammon. Does that exempt him from his obligation to support his wife and family? Of course not. But not to marry because of finances is a vote of no confidence in God and a violation of the priesthood covenant. Eternal marriage has nothing to do with money and everything to do with faith and obedience.
Commitment
The oath and covenant of the priesthood contains a strict warning from the Lord: “And I now give unto you a commandment to beware concerning yourselves, to give diligent heed to the words of eternal life.” 27
An uncommitted man is beset by fears, selfishness or both. In either case, light cannot exist in him.
The priesthood calls for sacrifice, courage and diligence. The power of commitment approaches the power of God, and if this attribute is not evident in a man, the woman who is dating him should move on. He is simply not worth the effort. His ability to truly love a woman, support her throughout her life, and lead their family to the celestial kingdom is in serious question. Again, he is not a man, but a boy.
Synergy
Whereas a woman should flee a selfish or uncommitted man, she is in a strong position to help a man who is dealing with fears, which might include fears regarding finances. Early on, a couple learns that they are much stronger together than they are apart; the husband relies on his wife and the wife relies on her husband.
President Gordon B. Hinckley taught this principle with a promise: “When you are united, your power is limitless. You can accomplish anything you wish to accomplish.” 28
Jesus taught his disciples in Jerusalem concerning the power of unity, and then he taught that principle anew in this dispensation. “Verily, verily, I say unto you, as I said unto my disciples, where two or three are gathered together in my name, as touching one thing, behold, there will I be in the midst of them ? even so am I in the midst of you.” 29 Certainly, a husband and a wife would qualify. By definition of their marriage covenant, they are (or should be) gathered in my name.
This oneness has a synergistic effect. Synergy refers to the phenomenon in which two or more agents acting together create an effect greater than the sum of the individual agents. For example, if one thread can hold five pounds before it breaks, two threads woven together might be predicted to hold twice as much ? ten pounds. In fact, the effect of synergy causes the two threads to hold four or more pounds! Man alone is weak, but he becomes incredibly strong in marriage. It is simply not good for man to remain single.
Conclusion
If the adversary were to concoct a strategy to destroy Melchizedek Priesthood holders, he could not create a plan more effective than to convince them to postpone marriage or to neglect it altogether. He not only robs men of their potential of exaltation, but he strips them of their priesthood. Truly, even the very elect 30 are being deceived in the last days by his tactics.
Nothing good can come from remaining single, because being good is ultimately being Godlike. God is married; God is a father; God is unselfish, filled with faith, completely dedicated and committed. A man is not good, by this definition, because he is not Godlike. Moreover, a man wastes his life and wastes the earth by postponing marriage and remaining single for no good cause. If that cause tends to selfishness or lack of commitment, his priesthood is forfeited along with the Father's promises.
Upon a man's ordination to the Melchizedek Priesthood, he agreed, among other things, to magnify his calling. That singular calling is the call to eternal life, to become like God so that a man might receive all that the Father has. The only way for a man to ultimately magnify his calling in the priesthood is to marry in the temple. For that reason man was born and obtained a physical body; for that reason he entered into the New and Everlasting Covenant by baptism; for that reason he received the priesthood with an oath and a covenant; for that reason he entered the temple and was washed, anointed and endowed with God's power and knowledge; and for that reason he lives his life as God's servant and son.
Eternal marriage is the summit of existence, the reason for being, the purpose for which we have waited and prepared for untold eternities, and the source of consummate joy. May the single men of the Church detect Satan's deceptions and rid themselves of this latter-day plague. May they magnify their calling and grasp the prize of eternal life. May they heed the counsel of Lehi: “Arise from the dust, my sons, and be men.” 31
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Notes
1 Genesis 2:18
2 Genesis 1:25
3 Genesis 1:31
4 Mark 10:17-18
5 Genesis 2:18
6 Genesis 2:18, footnote b
7 Genesis 2:23
8 Matthew 19:5
9 Matthew 19:6
10 D&C 2:3
11 Robert L. Millet, When a Child Wanders, p.100 - 101
12 Bruce R. McConkie, A New Witness for the Articles of Faith, p.312
13 See Bruce R. McConkie, “Abrahamic Covenant,” Mormon Doctrine, p.13; Joseph Fielding Smith, Doctrines of Salvation, vol. 2:58
14 Spencer W. Kimball, The Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball, p.494
15 See Bruce R. McConkie, “The Doctrine of the Priesthood,” Ensign, May 1982; See D&C 131:1–4
16 See D&C 84:33-44
17 See Henry B. Eyring, “Faith and the Oath and Covenant of the Priesthood,” Ensign, May 2008
18 D&C 132:3
19 See D&C 131:2
20 D&C 132:4
21 D&C 132:5-6
22 D&C 132:19-20
23 See D&C 84:35-37
24 D&C 132:23-24
25 See D&C 121:34-37
26 D&C 84:42,44
27 D&C 84:43
28 Gordon B. Hinckley, “Your Greatest Challenge, Mother,” Ensign, November 2000
29 D&C 6:32; (see Matthew 18:20)
30 See Matthew 24:24
31 2 Nephi 1:21
Return to Top of Article
Click here to sign up for Meridian's FREE email updates.
Monday, March 2, 2009
"Stirring the Oatmeal" Love
Stirring oatmeal is a humble act--not exciting or thrilling.
But it symbolizes a relatedness that brings love down to earth.
It represents a willingness to share ordinary human life,
to find meaning in the simple, unromantic tasks:
earning a living, living within a budget, putting out the garbage, feeding the baby in the middle of the night.
To "stir the oatmeal" means to find the relatedness, the value, even the beauty, in simple and ordinary things,
not to eternally demand a cosmic drama, an entertainment,
or an extraordinary intensity in everything.
Dr. Robert A. Johnson
But it symbolizes a relatedness that brings love down to earth.
It represents a willingness to share ordinary human life,
to find meaning in the simple, unromantic tasks:
earning a living, living within a budget, putting out the garbage, feeding the baby in the middle of the night.
To "stir the oatmeal" means to find the relatedness, the value, even the beauty, in simple and ordinary things,
not to eternally demand a cosmic drama, an entertainment,
or an extraordinary intensity in everything.
Dr. Robert A. Johnson
Sunday, March 1, 2009
My Daughter's Mission Call
My daughter, Julina has just received her call to serve as a missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.
We are so pleased for her decision to go and serve the Lord.
She has been called to serve in the Texas Houston Mission, teaching in the Spanish language. She enters the Missionary Training Center in Provo, Utah on May 13th.
Those of you who know and love her will want to contact her and wish her well.
(That's easy enough to do since she set up this Blog.)
We are so pleased for her decision to go and serve the Lord.
She has been called to serve in the Texas Houston Mission, teaching in the Spanish language. She enters the Missionary Training Center in Provo, Utah on May 13th.
Those of you who know and love her will want to contact her and wish her well.
(That's easy enough to do since she set up this Blog.)
The Refiner's Fire
Malachi 3:3 says:
'He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver.'
This verse puzzled some women in a Bible study group and they wondered what this statement meant about the character and nature of God.
One of the women offered to find out the process of refining silver and get back to the group at their next study session.
That week, the woman called a silversmith and made an appointment to watch him at work. She didn't mention anything about the reason for her interest beyond her curiosity about the process of refining Silver.
As she watched the silversmith, he held a piece of silver over the fire and let it heat up.
He explained that in refining silver, one needs to hold the silver in the middle of the fire where the flames were hottest as to burn away all the impurities.
The woman thought about God holding us in such a hot spot; then she thought again about the verse that says:
'He sits as a refiner and purifier of silver.'
She asked the silversmith if it was true that he had to sit there in front of the fire the whole time the silver was being refined.
The man answered that yes, he not only had to sit there holding the silver, but he had to keep his eyes on the silver the entire time it was in the fire. If the silver was left a moment too long in the flames, it would be destroyed.
The woman was silent for a moment. Then she asked the silversmith, 'How do you know when the silver is fully refined?'
He smiled at her and answered, 'Oh, that's easy -- when I see my image in it.'
If today you are feeling the heat of the fire , remember that God has his eye on you and will keep watching you until He sees His image in you.
'He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver.'
This verse puzzled some women in a Bible study group and they wondered what this statement meant about the character and nature of God.
One of the women offered to find out the process of refining silver and get back to the group at their next study session.
That week, the woman called a silversmith and made an appointment to watch him at work. She didn't mention anything about the reason for her interest beyond her curiosity about the process of refining Silver.
As she watched the silversmith, he held a piece of silver over the fire and let it heat up.
He explained that in refining silver, one needs to hold the silver in the middle of the fire where the flames were hottest as to burn away all the impurities.
The woman thought about God holding us in such a hot spot; then she thought again about the verse that says:
'He sits as a refiner and purifier of silver.'
She asked the silversmith if it was true that he had to sit there in front of the fire the whole time the silver was being refined.
The man answered that yes, he not only had to sit there holding the silver, but he had to keep his eyes on the silver the entire time it was in the fire. If the silver was left a moment too long in the flames, it would be destroyed.
The woman was silent for a moment. Then she asked the silversmith, 'How do you know when the silver is fully refined?'
He smiled at her and answered, 'Oh, that's easy -- when I see my image in it.'
If today you are feeling the heat of the fire , remember that God has his eye on you and will keep watching you until He sees His image in you.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
